Aug 11, 2019
“Never be afraid to trust an unknown future
To a known God”
Corrie ten Bloom
My wife of 58 years (June 10) and best friend Eileen had been diagnosed with terminal cancer of the esophagus, which has now moved to the stomach. She has received radiation to reduce the original tumor (which worked), and has undergone chemo, which reduced or eliminated the original tumor, but the new tumor in the stomach requires a different chemo to slow its’ progress. This blog will give my thoughts, fears, prayers, and hopes during this challenging and difficult time.
This week has been a mixed bag of the good and bad. Eileen started the next cycle of chemo pills this past Wednesday, after a week off and three days of shots to raise her white blood cell count. Tuesday was a very bad day, with extreme weakness and problems, including having to be helped to stand and move around. But from Wednesday on she gathered strength, going outside into the garden areas several times each day. The most difficult time seems to be during the early morning hours, when she often requires help to get out of bed and find her feet even after she is standing. Most of the day is good, even though she did fall once, being unable to pick her feet up over a doorway.
So we take each day as it comes. Evenings are good, and she is eating most days without difficulty. God has blessed us with sufficient rain that the flowers are stunning, with hundreds of lily blooms and daylily blooms as I write.
We have so many friends that have gone through similar times, and I feel so blessed with their gifts of love and supporting words during this journey. Yes, it is a challenge, but a life challenge that is part of the cycle of life. There is little or no pain, except from the bruises from falls, and the mental challenges when the body refuses to move as the mind is telling it to move.
I find that cooking is not overly difficult with all that is available in frozen packages that require very little in the way of preparation, and the housework is easy. We went to our bonsai meeting on Saturday, and enjoyed trimming our trees and chatting with our friends, who have given us incredible support. I find that sitting looking at some tree that I am styling stirs my creative juices, and I love watching the beauty unfold itself in the plants I have with a single snip of the cutters. I do not cut willy-nilly, but take my time, sometimes a 30 minutes or more looking and letting my imagination show me what the result is if I cut. It is amazing how so often less is more, and careful pruning opens up the beauty of the tree, especially some of my older trees (20 years or more) that I have let grow for many years unchecked, at least in detail, and the trunk has grown into beautiful twists and turns, with the knarly bark of age.
God fills my life with beauty, and nature right now is breathtaking. I sit in wonder at the bright blooms and green-green lushness that fills our space, and give thanks to God at this time of our life that we can enjoy this together. If this is the last year of our physical life together it is one of the richest we have ever known.
My Joy, my Love, You have filled me with wonders and beauty untold. No words can reveal the wonders You have given us at this time, and we thank You for Your generosity. We rest in Your Love, for that is the life we are all heading to after this physical journey. As we walk this path, Your Love becomes brighter and brighter, giving us hope and joy when things seem darkest. Our gratitude for this wonder of love is full and fills with awe, and we give ourselves to You without limit.