Jul 31, 2022

  Living in Unconditional Love (73)

“Love flows from God to humans without effort:

As a bird glides through the air without moving its wings-

Thus, they go wherever they wish united in body and soul,

Yet separate in form.”

–Mechtild of Magdeburg

 

My wife Eileen died from esophageal cancer in February 2020 one year after being diagnosed, 60 years to the day that we met on Long Island. Then my brother Tom became ill, and I spent a total of six weeks being with him in Ohio, but he died in October 2020. My sister-in-law Sue Mahoney died from Covid-19 in January 2021. On top of it all stood the pandemic, locking everyone down almost two years, and even though it is abating, I wear my mask anytime I am out among people, unlike many.

07/31/2022                             The end of another month. Sigh. This has been a challenging week, to put it mildly. I went through the antibiotic for my cellulitis, and went I visited the doctor on Wednesday, she changed it to a very strong sulpha drug that my body has not liked. Today, Saturday, it is easing up, but being nauseous, dizzy, and more is no fun. I even fainted, but that is not uncommon to me when I am very nauseous. Found myself in a pile but on the rug, so no harm. I have had my son Tim come out to water the bonsai and pots. But it seems to be working as both the swelling and pain are gone, but they still want me to continue to take it for the remaining three days. I believe this is the first medicine that has ever given me problems; at least I don’t remember any time I had this intense a reaction.

Friends can be wonderful at a time like this. I had gone for a lunch with a group from my church in Homer on Thursday, about 30 miles away, when the reaction set in. one of them took me to her home where I rested for a while, then they would not let me drive home but insisted on taking my car home and leaving me safe and sound. The two of them missed most of the lunch and spent about two hours taking care of me. That is, by my definition, good friends.

I am not sure if I have any words of wisdom(?) today as I am still a bit woozy and can’t stay up for long. It is times like this that friends and family rise up and can be truly a Godsend.

I will mention something about that sense of presence I talked about last week. That is new having developed over the past year, probably about the time I changed the title of this journal, 73 weeks ago! I had been filling the air with music. Then one day I just did not turn the music on, and the “sounds of silence” became real. I went many years in a barren place, but I continued to follow my daily practice – once having tasted it, I knew it was real and would come back. So God waited in the silence of time, coming back to my senses when I most needed it. Now I rarely turn music on. It is just a sense of presence that is always there, especially if it is quiet, and so peaceful.

Meditation

Gentle One, I have had to really depend on Your help this past week, but You have given me wonderful friends and family. Love knows no bounds, and the generosity of their time has been a marvel. I rest in You as all else is useless.