Jul 24, 2022

  Living in Unconditional Love (72)

“Love flows from God to humans without effort:

As a bird glides through the air without moving its wings-

Thus, they go wherever they wish united in body and soul,

Yet separate in form.”

–Mechtild of Magdeburg

 

My wife Eileen died from esophageal cancer in February 2020 one year after being diagnosed, 60 years to the day that we met on Long Island. Then my brother Tom became ill, and I spent a total of six weeks being with him in Ohio, but he died in October 2020. My sister-in-law Sue Mahoney died from Covid-19 in January 2021. On top of it all stood the pandemic, locking everyone down almost two years, and even though it is abating, I wear my mask anytime I am out among people, unlike many.

07/24/2022                             The sky is dark as I write this on Saturday evening and a light rain is occurring. I have not watered the bonsai at this point, but I suspect that I will later, as it was over 90 here today. This week has its’ pluses and minuses, but a good week overall. I hosted the bonsai picnic here, the garden is breathtaking, my tomatoes are delicious, and I went to the Cortland picnic today at a city park. Lots of good times. (note: it is raining hard. Hope it keeps up, it is so dry.) The lilies are eye-popping, and the many daylilies are a colorful delight, from white to orange to bright yellow to purples, reds, and more. The next couple of weeks are my favorite time of gardening. Of course, daffodils are wonderful and plentiful, as are the iris, in their season.

On the negative side I woke up Tuesday morning with a pain in my right foot, on top of the foot. I thought it was a cramp, as I get them often, but it did not go away, and by evening was worse and the ankle and foot were swollen. Went to the walk-in on Wednesday and found it is cellulitis, an infection in the skin. I had it a year ago and it is a difficult to overcome, but I am on antibiotics, and we will see. If it is not gone in a week, they will put me on stronger ones. Last year it took about a month to eliminate it. The worst part is it is difficult to walk around the beautiful gardens, even using a cane.

The joys of aging!

A while back I was asked who I was praying to (Father, Son, or Spirit) with my opening line in the meditation, the Gentle One. I had never really thought about it and have pondered that question often since I was asked. God and I have had a relationship that is over 80 years long, (Doesn’t mean I have always lived up to that, to put it mildly.) I had answered then I think it was the Father, but after pondering that for over six months, I don’t know if that is totally correct. To me, today, God is an amorphous sense of Being that is always present, in and out and around me, wherever I am, always. Some have called that the Christ. Having been filled with the unconditional love of Eileen for 60 years opened this sense of presence that is always there even with Eileen no longer physically embodying that sense. The sophisticated analysis of Father Son and Spirit is good for the head, but the heart needs something concrete to hang on to when times are tuff, and I have stopped being concerned about how I see God and the specific form that is. It just Is!

Perhaps that is why being alone almost all the time is bearable – I am not alone! I always have God with me (and Eileen), and I have been given the gift of that sense of not being alone, but always having someone close by, or perhaps I should say Someone. I have gone through many phases with my being with God during these 80+ years, and there were times I felt close to one or the other Persons, but usually Jesus. But as I age, the feeling has become more general in nature, and I do not want to waste my time attempting to ascertain anything beyond that sense of comfort I receive all the time.

Meditation

Gentle One, each day presents itself with beauty and grace, astonishing me once again. You have gifted me with unconditional love all my life and especially through loving parents and then the breathtaking love of Eileen. I bow in gratitude before these gifts of love. The beauty of the universe and nature that is gifted to humanity is unbelievable to me, requiring me to continually fill my being as I breath the air we have. Your presence in my life is life-giving and lifts my spirits each day as I ponder life as I understand it.