Mar 20, 2022

  Living in Unconditional Love (54)

“Love flows from God to humans without effort:

As a bird glides through the air without moving its wings-

Thus, they go wherever they wish united in body and soul,

Yet separate in form.”

–Mechtild of Magdeburg

 

My wife Eileen died from esophageal cancer in February 2020 one year after being diagnosed, 60 years to the day that we met on Long Island. Then my brother Tom became ill, and I spent a total of six weeks being with him in Ohio, but he died in October 2020. My sister-in-law Sue Mahoney died from Covid-19 in January 2021. On top of it all stood the pandemic, locking everyone down almost two years, and even though it is abating, I wear my mask anytime I am out, unlike many.

 

03/20/2022                                     I have seen this week in the few times I have ventured out that few wear masks, despite the dangers that Covid has. Sure, many are vaccinated (my area does not have a high percentage vaccinated) and the comments are that “oh well, it will be like a cold if I get it.” What they forget is Long Covid; about 10% of those who contract Covid will have Long Covid, vaccinated or not. My daughter Janet came down with Covid in early January and the actual period of sickness was not bad, but she was left with Long Covid ever since, and finds herself ‘mindfoged’ and tired. If she overdoes it, she is hit for a couple of days of forced rest. She is very frustrated by this, as she went into it being very physically fit as her hobby is circus (ariel) performance. Putting a face to this, I went to church for the first time this year on Sunday and only two of us wore masks, despite that the area does not have much more than 50% vaccinated.

Covid is different from anything else we have seen, as its lingering effects can last for months if not a lifetime. I will continue to wear a mask for some time to come, if not years.

I have recovered from the last lingering effects of my trip and ill-advised eating of undercooked (medium rare) meat. Dan is here with me as I write this to attend some meetings in the office this week. He showed me some pictures of Mackenzie standing by their new couch, having pulled herself up by the couch skirts. In some ways it seems like my trip to Peru never happened, but the pictures and memories say I was there.

Spring is here, and I was finally able to walk around the gardens. I have some Snow Drops in bloom, as well as many Winter Aconite. The other early bulbs (crocus and Iris Reticulata) have yet to appear, but the daffodils have broken ground and are about one inch high. My elevation and increased snowfall make spring flowers reluctant to expose themselves!

Like the temperature, it is in the 60’s as I write this, makes my heart soar, and really helps finding joy, even though I want to tell Eileen what I see (I do tell her in my mind as I walk around). 60 years of being together as we admire the new spring every year is still there. Spring was Eileen’s favorite time of the year, and I picked up her excitement over the years – even though I really like lily blooming season in June-July – and daffodil blooming season and Iris blooming season. Plus, the mum season in the fall is beautiful. And peonies— Did I tell you that I like flowers?

And so, life flows on. The medical group that I am in has suggested I join a new (I think) program where they will monitor my vitals at home. They will let me know the details, but I am acutely aware that I am alone in a big house with lots of land around where if something would happen it could be days before I am located and at my age —. That is the reason I keep my cell phone with me all the time I can.

I have been getting a stream of probable scam calls every day. I have my phone set that if I get a call from an unknown number, it goes directly to voicemail. If they don’t leave a voicemail, I block the number. This has been occurring over a dozen times a day (sigh).

The garden looks surprisingly good, other than the usual branches and stuff. Apparently, the deer found other places to eat, or my deterrence approach worked, because nothing seemed attacked where I had the glass globes located. I did see a bush or two that appeared to have been nibbled, but nothing serious, and they were not in the “protected” areas and will grow rapidly in the spring.

I have several friends who delight in sending me things that I should be worrying about. I have found that worrying does not help. My approach for many years is: if there is something I can do, I will find a way to do it, but if there is nothing I can do, I stop being overly concerned. This is the reason I do not waste my time watching news. I read what I need to know, look at the comics and sports, but other than that, I enter it into my prayers if important or truly evil such as the Russian attack. There I can do something: donate to those groups that are bringing aid. My favorite is Doctors Without Borders, but many others are helping also.

God has brought me this far, and since God apparently still has things for me to do, I will abide my time before being called home with Eileen. Life is good and beautiful – just look around and smile.

Meditation

Gentle One, I continue to rest in You and place my small burdens in Your care. I weep for the people in the Ukraine, being torn apart by a mega-maniac who pines for empires of old. I join in prayer for those peoples struggling to retain their independence and freedom. I place myself in prayer for their care.