Mar 13, 2022

  Living in Unconditional Love (53)

“Love flows from God to humans without effort:

As a bird glides through the air without moving its wings-

Thus, they go wherever they wish united in body and soul,

Yet separate in form.”

–Mechtild of Magdeburg

 

My wife Eileen died from esophageal cancer in February 2020 one year after being diagnosed, 60 years to the day that we met on Long Island. Then my brother Tom became ill, and I spent a total of six weeks being with him in Ohio, but he died in October 2020. My sister-in-law Sue Mahoney died from Covid-19 in January 2021. On top of it all stood the pandemic, locking everyone down almost two years, and even though it is abating, I wear my mask anytime I am out, unlike many.

 

03/13/2022                                     I am sitting here on Saturday watching the snow drift down after putting about 10 inches on everything. Yes, I am back home! I expect I will be cleared out sometime today and all will be well.

Spring is almost here, time is changing, and my first flowers are blooming (Winter Aconite), now under the snow. I suspect they were blooming for some time while I was in Peru, but no one saw them. Snow covered everything else, so I don’t know what is starting to poke out of the ground. It will be more than a few days for this snow to melt and reveal the hidden jewels.

I made a mistake while eating out in Peru just before I left, getting a steak medium rare. It was good. Unfortunately, that temperature does not kill all the bacteria, so I have been a staying not far from a bathroom since I have been back. Not bad, but a bit uncomfortable. That was my greatest fear about traveling there. I will be more careful next time.

Life has readjusted itself once again, and it seems almost like a dream that I was in Peru. But the pictures prove it, and the memories are wonderful.

My neighbor across the street of 40 years has sold his house and is moving in with his son in eastern Virginia. He went there for a visit, they invited him to stay (they have a very large house) and he decided to make the leap. Sold his house in 2 days, and I heard he had 12 offers! He sold it to one of the sons of his next-door neighbor so they will have a string of 4 homes in adjoining lands. So, things change, but in some ways stay the same. He lost his wife several years ago and has been living alone ever since. He is a bit older than me (9 months), and had slowed down quite a bit, and his boys were concerned.

Dan said that Mackenzie (8 months) was not satisfied with crawling and has learned to pull herself up and stand. She is a determined young lady! She wants to join her sister in running around and dancing! They were a joy to be around.

The war in Ukraine makes me sad to see all the people running with only a few belongings, attempting to escape the attack by Russia, and the dreadful bombardment of civilians, using killing of innocents to force its way as a means of war, as they had done in the past. Truly evil in their intentions. Not the average Russian soldier, but the leaders

Saturday night was the changing of the clocks. I ease my way into that by changing the clocks during the day, so that by evening (and bedtimes) I am using the new time. I must admit loving Daylight-Saving time as I am a night owl and hardly ever see the dawn. I even managed to change the stove clock for the first time ever. It usually is wrong by various amounts, as it loses 6 minutes anytime the power goes off (which happens fairly often), even though my generator kicks-in in 8 seconds max. I have struggled to adjust the stove clock every time, giving up after spending way too much time. This time it just clicked, and I was on the way.

I find that God has an interesting way for me in handling grief. It is like spring, and Eileen’s death just prior to spring illustrates it well. First, I was buried in the blizzard of loneliness. Then in time I was forced to help others, which awakened a part of the joy of life as I received bursts of joy and happiness. Then slowly life grew sustainable, and like the seasons, the universe brought more joy into my life. Then like the snowstorm we just had, it is covered up and it is impossible to see. But like spring, the snow melts, and little points of green (joy) appear. They eventually join together to form a continuous stream. Grief takes much longer than the coming of a single spring, but the joy of the preceding 60 years of life with Eileen gives me a wonderful stream of memories to dwell in and build on.

Meditation

Gentle One, I let myself rest in You. This is a time of rest and waiting, after the joy of being with young life and the darkness of the anniversary of Eileen’s death overlapping. Now is the time of introspection, resting, and waiting. Changes are occurring in my life and watching the coming of spring is a good harboring of that, as it is a time of life for living as You have given me.