Apr 11, 2021

  Living in Unconditional Love (5) 

“Love flows from God to humans without effort: 

As a bird glides through the air without moving its wings- 

Thus, they go wherever they wish united in body and soul, 

Yet separate in form.” 

–Mechtild of Magdeburg 

My wife Eileen died from esophageal cancer in February 2020 one year after being diagnosed, 60 years to the day that we met on Long Island. Then my brother Tom became ill and I spent a total of six weeks being with him in Ohio, but he died in October 2020. My sister-in-law Sue Mahoney died from Covid-19 in January 2021. On top of the it all stood the pandemic, locking everyone down for over a year. 

             04/11/2021.                    Well, my birthday was this week, and I turned an amazing 87! Where did the time go, but so many good things have happened in my life I am stunned when looking back. The day was ok (see below), lots of phone calls and Facebook messages to wish me happy birthday, which was nice. 

But this week my computer was hacked by someone who claimed to be from Amazon but was not. They ended up grabbing my computer and trying to get into my finances. That forced me to get all new checking and saving accounts, cancel all credit cards and have new cards sent, and change any password that could be used to buy something, as they probably obtained my password list. I took the computer into Best Buy where I had recently bought it and they scrubbed it clean. Pain in the neck, but I hopefully am now clear. I am writing this on the cleansed computer. Many hours spent, and still more to do. 

The visit with my daughter and then several nephews and nieces of a couple of generations was wonderful, and we could actually hug. Only a fraction of the usual crowd was present, as most have not been vaccinated yet. Talking with a grandnephew who has worked on an ambulance service on Long Island revealed so many sad tales during the pandemic, as they were dying faster than they could bring them in, and it got to a point that if it was clear that the person was dying, they just made them easier, and helped the family without taking them to a hospital that was overcrowded. 

But I had a really enjoyable time, and hopefully some will come up and vacation when they can. My home has five bedrooms, and our beautiful grounds and views are calling for use, and there is only myself, even though I am using some bedrooms for my “toys” (a painting room and a room to hold them all – enough to keep me busy for many years I suspect). God has blessed me beyond my imagination. 

          On Saturday I had the joy of spending several hours with Drew’s children, Huntley, and Clara, and of course Drew. We went down to the lake where Huntley threw rocks into the water. Clara even let me hold her for a little while even though we have not seen in-person for many months. Facetime does help, as we could look at each other and wave. Clara is 16 months old, and Huntley is almost four (July)! In-person contact is so nice, and we could hug! 

I have found that I don’t turn around expecting to see Eileen each day, and I am more comfortable being alone. As I have said, I tended to be a loner all my life (Enneagram five), and can handle being alone most of the time. Maybe because when very young there were no persons close to my age living around me and I learned that being alone was a normal thing, and the nature and the imagination was wonderful. I was happy then, and I am learning to be happy now. I keep myself busy with many projects and the days slide by. 

Meditation  

Gentle One, You hold me carefully as if I might break, and it is true: I may break if just let go. I am grateful for all You have given me: 60 years of Love with Eileen, breathtaking family joys and the wonder of children and grandchildren, and wonderous views out of my window. I trust Your guidance as I enter another year of life. Help me to be a giving servant to aid humanity to become joyful bearers of love into eternity.