Nov 14, 2021

  Living in Unconditional Love (36) 

“Love flows from God to humans without effort: 

As a bird glides through the air without moving its wings- 

Thus, they go wherever they wish united in body and soul, 

Yet separate in form.” 

–Mechtild of Magdeburg 

My wife Eileen died from esophageal cancer in February 2020 one year after being diagnosed, 60 years to the day that we met on Long Island. Then my brother Tom became ill, and I spent a total of six weeks being with him in Ohio, but he died in October 2020. My sister-in-law Sue Mahoney died from Covid-19 in January 2021. On top of it all stood the pandemic, locking everyone down for over a year and a half, and still going strong from my viewpoint. 

11/14/2021 I am writing this on Friday, waiting hopefully for my son Dan and family to arrive today. They were supposed to come Wednesday, then Thursday, now today. It is a challenge to pick up and travel with two little ones (20 months and 4 months) so I understand. I had cancelled my book groups this week in anticipation for their arrival, but—, so here I am. I thought I would start this week’s journal entry while waiting, as things will be hectic (but fun) once they are here. (Writing on my last review on Sunday, the house is filled with giggles and laughter and cries of little ones) 

They will be staying until shortly before Thanksgiving as they want to be home for that time to celebrate with Alesandra’s family. Our plans include going to Mohonk Mountain House next Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday. It will be my first time back for an overnight since Eileen’s death. Barbara and I went for lunch in the summer, but this is different. 

I have been playing Christmas music much of the past couple of weeks, as I enjoy the joyful sounds. I do love the Christmas time of year and leave the tree up far longer than most; but then I don’t put it up until Christmas eve, at least in the past, so that Advent can be properly channeled, and the 12 days of Christmas then enjoyed. This year may be different, depending on who can be here to help and what time. We still plan on our almost annual trip to Mohonk on December 27-29, with all arriving on the 26th.  

The week has been quiet. I have spent much of my time “child-proofing” the house: putting the models I have built out of reach of inquisitive fingers, moving anything breakable etc. The painting room will become a bedroom, so I am moving the painting equipment into my walk-in closet for this time. I will need to do that at Christmas also, but I will probably move it back in the time before, as it is very tight in the closet. I do many paintings in parallel as I must wait for a given color to dry before going on. Paint-by-number is different from normal artistic painting, as one does one color at a time all over the canvas (yes, you rarely find them all with a given number the first time as many areas are very small), and wait a day for that color to dry, before moving on. Thus, many in parallel, requiring a lot of room. 

God has indeed been good to me. I have learnt to be alone and enjoy it. I have settled into routines that seem to work, and enjoy breaking a routine to fit something else in. My health has been better than in many years, as being isolated and using a mask when out seems to work for the normal winter and summer colds, flu, etc. Who knows, I may continue to wear masks, especially in the winter, from now on when out and about. And yes, I have received my flu shot this year, and the booster shot also. It has taken a lot of time to arrive at this point, but I am reasonably happy now; still greatly missing Eileen, but filled with a new range of happiness. One can be happy and sad at the same time. 

Indeed, God is good. 

Meditation  

Gentle One, Your patience is truly great. I am at peace with my life, missing my strong one greatly, but still at peace. The joy of laughter of little ones fills the spirit, and my life is as good as it can be at this time. May Your blessing fill our sad world at this time and help those who have nothing to hold them stable. I am grateful for all You have given to me in this life and help me to see how I can be of service at this stage of life.