Jul 25, 2021

   Living in Unconditional Love (20) 

“Love flows from God to humans without effort: 

As a bird glides through the air without moving its wings- 

Thus, they go wherever they wish united in body and soul, 

Yet separate in form.” 

–Mechtild of Magdeburg 

My wife Eileen died from esophageal cancer in February 2020 one year after being diagnosed, 60 years to the day that we met on Long Island. Then my brother Tom became ill, and I spent a total of six weeks being with him in Ohio, but he died in October 2020. My sister-in-law Sue Mahoney died from Covid-19 in January 2021. On top of it all stood the pandemic, locking everyone down for over a year. 

07/25/2021 Very quiet this week; I am amazed how quickly I had become acclimated to all the noise and busyness that having a house full of family brings. It took a few days of being alone before I became used to the quiet once again. I attend Mass on Tuesday morning at the local church, St. Patrick’s, and have developed a new small community. Only about 5-6 of us (sometimes a few more), and they have a new priest who joined us for a bit at the coffee and food event that follows the Mass. Who knows, I may end up transferring back here, as the community in Homer no longer exists – but I shall see what comes with the coming season. I drive almost 30 miles to my present parish in Homer NY, and St. Patrick’s is only 4 miles. I love the people where I now attend, but we now have a deacon, (our pastor has retired and not replaced) who is extremely conservative, believing he has the right to scold us most weeks in the bulletin, and I am getting tired of it. The parish has been joined with two other parishes in the Cortland area, and with only two priests they are swamped, as we had two out-reach parishes as well, one having a Sunday Mass each week, and other only for special events. 

I miss having a community of friends and folks where I can gain spiritual nourishment. I have been pondering that, and it was driven home strongly last week after reading the parish bulletin and fuming at the deacon’s audacity. I suspect that it is partially aimed at my book (I gave him a copy, and he has never said a word )(and I am probably being too self-important to think that), where I voiced the large range of spiritual guides I follow on a regular basis, mostly non-Catholic, and the few Catholic voices I follow are decidedly liberal, and the person he attacked (Deepak Chopra) is one of my favorite spiritual guides mentioned often in the book. 

The Spiritual committee met before church today (Sunday) and we discussed the situation, as others feel as I do, and their choices are limited, as they all live in the Homer vicinity. We set a plan, and we shall see what happens over the next month or two. We have a wonderful priest coming to give a talk in September, so that is a good start. 

I feel that God is directing me to become more active, as presently I only write this journal and have a small book group of delightful friends. I have lost most of the people that I had spiritual contact with due to Eileen’s illness, her death, and the pandemic. I suspect that many feel the same. I received a phone call from two I had met with for years but pulled back once Eileen became ill, and they are coming here for lunch next week if all goes well. I fill my time with interesting things, but I don’t feel productive and feel spiritually depleted. I have lost through death many of my spiritual supports over the past two years, especially with the loss of Eileen who was my spiritual guide and partner in every way, even though we had separate groups which enhanced one another. 

On the positive side, my flowers are beautiful this year, with all the rain they are big and stunning. I have picked my first two tomatoes. Actually, I didn’t pick them as they were blown off in the storms, but they were ripe. I have a couple more that are turning red. The streams are roaring, and wild animals are everywhere, with delightful hummingbirds coming often to the feeder on my front deck. 

Life is still good, and God is leading me on to my next adventure. 

Meditation  

Gentle One, Your guidance is persistent and total. I am awed (when I am not annoyed) by the placing of new paths on my journey. I am not sure where they are going, but I will follow along wherever You lead. Sometimes I enjoy the quiet, but sometimes the quiet becomes depressing, and I turn on joyful music which beings me back to joy. I see Your face in the glory of nature and brilliant flowers, the flowing waters, and the song of the birds. Indeed, the universe sings of Your beauty.