Jul 18, 2021

  Living in Unconditional Love (19) 

“Love flows from God to humans without effort: 

As a bird glides through the air without moving its wings- 

Thus, they go wherever they wish united in body and soul, 

Yet separate in form.” 

–Mechtild of Magdeburg 

My wife Eileen died from esophageal cancer in February 2020 one year after being diagnosed, 60 years to the day that we met on Long Island. Then my brother Tom became ill, and I spent a total of six weeks being with him in Ohio, but he died in October 2020. My sister-in-law Sue Mahoney died from Covid-19 in January 2021. On top of it all stood the pandemic, locking everyone down for over a year. 

07/18/2021 The house was busy and filled with joy for the week, with the presence of my daughters Karen and Maureen and Karen’s daughter Rianna. Stayed home mostly and had several heavy rainfalls that limited our venturing out. But on Thursday we went to Mohonk Mountain House for lunch and spent the day enjoying the beauty. We had been going there for about 20 years at Christmas time, and the girls had gone with us for the past several years, but this was their first time for a summer visit (except once when they were very small). I walked the gardens and around the lake, sat on many benches in gazebos, sat in a rocking chair on the deck overlooking the lake, and enjoyed the wonderous beauty of the scene. So many memories of the joyous times I spent there with Eileen. Good visit for the first time since the loss of Eileen, and I felt her presence in spirit. The walks were the same that Eileen and I did so many times, especially as we aged and could no longer do the rock scrambles and more stimulating trails. Eileen had been going there since 1953, (with a few years off while we raised little ones). About once a year she would say plaintively “Take me to Mohonk”, and off we would go for a day, hiking usually with a packed lunch over part of their 8000 acres and 80 miles of trails. The drive takes just under three hours, so it is not that far away, just taking a breather. I hope to go back a few times just to enjoy the beauty and memories, besides our usual trip at Christmas. 

This was the first time I had been there without Eileen, and the feelings were mixed. Talked with some of the staff, explaining Eileen’s history there. One more item to have gone through. 

The girls and I had a good time during their visit, not doing much but just enjoying being together. We had some very heavy rains that kept us in almost every day, but our gardens are spectacular to walk through so we could ooh and aah several times at the beauty of the flowers. The lilies are especially good this year. The girls had never seen the Netflix show ‘Bridgerton’, so we watched all eight episodes, two a night. Still a great show to watch, laugh, and feel the tension – and love. 

Last year summer was lost in the mixture of being with my brother for six weeks, Eileen’s burial and subsequent visits by family, the pandemic, and having my daughter Barbara here for the entire time until October. This year I am alone, just me, the weather (a strong electrical storm is brewing as I write) and the occasional visit by family. I often go the entire day without talking to anyone, unless a phone call occurs – mostly robo-calls, or someone wanting me to spend money on this or that. 

I feel that I was protected from the worst of the blows of losing Eileen by events of the times, and now that a year has passed a whole new set of feelings exist. These are feelings that I don’t believe I could have felt a year ago, as I was still numb from the year-long effort of the cancer treatment and the immediate pain of loss. God has made this time about as good as it gets, and I am grateful for all that has occurred in this journey we call ‘life’. 

We face-timed Dan, Alisandra, Maria, and of course Mackenzie several times. New adjustment with the new one, but Maria seems to have adjusted to Mackenzie’s presence. 

I am writing this at 5:30 on Saturday, and I just received a text from Maureen that they were just boarding the airplane. It was supposed to have left at 2:20, and I had dropped them off at 1:30. There was an airshow at the airport today at 4, so they had front row seats to watch. They said it was a great show. Sometimes a little perk appears. The storms continued, so they were delayed even further, leaving around 9 and staying overnight in Detroit. Received a text Sunday morning around 9:45 AM saying they were back in Columbus waiting for their ride home. 

And sometimes I am happy with technology. I just lost power, but my generator kicked in after 10 seconds or so, and all is well. 

Meditation 

Gentle One, You knew that I needed this joyous break at this time, so some family arrived just in time. I am grateful for the house full and noise for a week, and we could enjoy time together, good food, laughter, and the beauty of nature, and the wonder of new life.