Oct 29, 2023

Living in Unconditional Love (138)

 

“Love flows from God to humans without effort:

As a bird glides through the air without moving its wings-

Thus, they go wherever they wish united in body and soul,

Yet separate in form.”

–Mechtild of Magdeburg

 

My wife Eileen died from esophageal cancer in February 2020 one year after being diagnosed, 60 years after we met on Long Island. Then my brother Tom became ill (not COVID), and I spent a total of six weeks being with him in Ohio, but he died in October 2020. My sister-in-law Sue Mahoney died from Covid-19 in January 2021. On top of it all stood the pandemic, locking everyone down almost two years.

10/29/2023                             This past week was quite warm, in the 60s, but next week we may see our first frost and freeze, as it is supposed to drop below 30 early in the week with maybe snow showers. I will be putting my bonsai up for the winter, and I have prepared the storage area for that. The water line running out to the front garden has been blown clear and disconnected from the house water supply, but the various decorations that are out have not been brought in at this time. I have my snow tires on the car and have talked with the snowplow person, so I am set for the winter.

My primary increased one of my heart medications, and it seemed to work well for a few days, but the blood pressure was high today, so I will take it over the next few days and see how it goes.

Addition:

My blood pressure was good late in the day and on Sunday, so the med change is working.

I have decided that I will not mow the lawn any more this year. That chore is finished for the year. I have always enjoyed mowing the lawn, as did Eileen for many years. The house seems warm, and it should be set for the year (yes, I am optimistic).

Aging is not for the faint-hearted. I have had to learn to receive in many situations where I was the giver or at least the doer before. The most difficult part is I have had to learn how to live alone, often talking to no one in a given day, like today. I have never been one to just talk on, so it is not surprising to be alone currently. I have lost most of my friends, but life goes on with a surprising beat. I still find joy just looking at nature out my windows or walking around. I am somewhat surprised each day that I wake up, and I must push myself to arise in the morning, but once up I am fine.

As usual, I refuse to spend much time with the news, but I can always scan the headlines on my iPad plus receiving the paper each day. I keep it short, for there is nothing I can do except support the causes I believe in, especially those who are on the front lines around the world, like Doctors Without Borders, and those fighting for the causes I believe in, like racism. God still has things for me to accomplish, even though mostly it is cheering others on in the sidelines.

Meditation

Gentle One, Your gentle touch supports me in times of depression and feeling sorry for myself, a useless occupation. I feel Your touch (and Eileen’s) when I reach out for help mentally every day. The love that floods in brings joy and peace to me if I but look and relax into then sense of presence. At those times I am filled with gratitude and love and find that life is a gift beyond measure.