Jun 18, 2023

Living in Unconditional Love (119)

 

“Love flows from God to humans without effort:

As a bird glides through the air without moving its wings-

Thus, they go wherever they wish united in body and soul,

Yet separate in form.”

–Mechtild of Magdeburg

 

My wife Eileen died from esophageal cancer in February 2020 one year after being diagnosed, 60 years after we met on Long Island. Then my brother Tom became ill (not COVID), and I spent a total of six weeks being with him in Ohio, but he died in October 2020. My sister-in-law Sue Mahoney died from Covid-19 in January 2021. On top of it all stood the pandemic, locking everyone down almost two years, and even though it is abating, I wear my mask some of the time I am out among people, unlike most.

 

06/18/2023                             Happy Father’s Day to all fathers of every stripe. I am in awe to those men who have stepped into the role of fatherhood and joyfully lifted it high. I am most grateful for having Eileen in my life, who made me a father in joy. I can not imagine anyone else there. I did the best I could as a father, certainly not perfect but with all my heart. I enjoy being with my grandchildren, especially the wee ones, as they bring back memories of joy and laughter.

Well, the meds seem to be working on my pneumonia. I am tired most of the time, but other than that feel pretty good. The weather had lost the smoke for a few days, and we had some much-needed rain, but this afternoon (Saturday) the smoke began coming back and the index is now 101, hazardous to those with breathing issues, like me. I will probably stay home tomorrow from church unless it clears a bit in the morning., but we will have to see.

Strange how now mask wearing is understood and accepted by most, and almost all have useable masks lying around. All of mine are N95, with bands that go over the head rather than behind the ears, the most highly recommended way. I use these rather the more common behind the ear type because of my hearing aids that become dislodged if the behind the ear type is used, and it turns out the most effective ones are over the head, so I have lucked out.

This past week has been a lost week, as I slept a good part of each day. I feel much better, but am leery about going outside, especially now that the index is back around 100 or more. I did not make the bed one day, which was (I believe) the first time since Eileen died that I did not make the bed but instead crawled back in later. I felt too tired to do any painting or model construction for a good part of the week, until yesterday and today I did a little painting.

The flowers are beautiful, especially the iris (which are ending) and the peonies are just starting. I haven’t ventured out for a walk yet but hope to get out tomorrow even with a mask to see the beauty. As I stated before, I have lost many of my lilies due to the late freezes, and it is a bit sad to see the dead two-foot-tall stalks there. Some have a little green and that is good and will help them survive until next year, but I am sure all will survive for another year. I did get out on Thursday to mow the main and upper lawns as the weather was perfect for that. With the rain we have had I suspect I will be out again next week, but from the reports I may be wearing a mask.

I am constantly amazed at the beauty that God has allowed me to see every day. The woods stretch out to the horizon interspersed with farms and roads and homes. The flowers are brilliant, good for the soul. Every year amazes me with

God’s beauty that is spread before us to wonder in and breath our full as we can, even though this year we are having our share of forest fire haze.

Meditation

 

Gentle One, Your Love for all fills my soul at times and gives me peace, even if I am ill. I have found support and succor turning to You in difficult times that has led me to see You in all that occurs and find solace in challenging times. The beauty of the world and all its creation is wonderous indeed, always giving me hope for the generations to come. You have always given me hope, even in times when all seemed dark. I am grateful for all that I have been showered with in Your love. I am especially grateful for fatherhood, as it illustrated the never-ending depth of love in action.