May 23, 2021

  Living in Unconditional Love (11) 

“Love flows from God to humans without effort: 

As a bird glides through the air without moving its wings- 

Thus, they go wherever they wish united in body and soul, 

Yet separate in form.” 

–Mechtild of Magdeburg 

My wife Eileen died from esophageal cancer in February 2020 one year after being diagnosed, 60 years to the day that we met on Long Island. Then my brother Tom became ill, and I spent a total of six weeks being with him in Ohio, but he died in October 2020. My sister-in-law Sue Mahoney died from Covid-19 in January 2021. On top of it all stood the pandemic, locking everyone down for over a year. 

05/23/2021 Suddenly very warm weather has appeared, and naturally my AC in the house failed. Turns out several items are burnt out, apparently caused by a power surge, and the factory that builds them was destroyed by the Texas floods. So, this means I must get a different unit, as it will be two years or more before spare parts would appear. It is fairly new, only three years old. Life of a householder. 

I ordered a new unit on Saturday; it will be installed the week after Memorial Day. They will not charge me any labor costs and refunded the monies I had spent earlier before we realized the parts had failed. New unit will be larger than previous units and will be able to heat house down to zero! I will find out this fall if it is cheaper than oil. They did say that efficiency decreases below 17 degrees, but if the past few winters are like the future, most of the time it remains above 17 degrees. 

I had a surprise when I was working on my bonsai. Eileen had made several “Burning Bush” bonsai, and they grow quite rapidly but look older than they are. One large one had not been trimmed this year, and when I pulled it down to trim, I discovered a nest with 4 blue eggs. Apparently, a robin had decided to build their nest there. I had noticed a bird hanging around, but not given it a thought, as the lawn often had robins and others looking for food. Needless to say, I did not trim the bush, but carefully put it back. Now I have phoebes on the front porch, hummingbirds at the feeder on the front porch, and a robin just outside the door in the rear of the garage. Only door available without disturbing birds is the deck off the living room or the garage doors – and even these I dare not open them fully for very long. 

I was glad to see hummingbirds at the feeder, as I was very late putting it out, only earlier this week, but they quickly found it. I can sit at the dining room table and watch them darting in and out. This also means that I must be careful about the garage doors, as the hummingbirds often leave that way, zooming in front of the doors, and they can turn into the garage if the doors are open and be trapped. Then it is a chore to tempt them to leave before they get trapped in the ceiling vents. 

Then I have a small birdhouse located on top of a post close by the house where the water line is buried for the front garden. I put it there because it just looked cute, with a conical top, and never thought a bird would use it. But the birds discovered it I saw today, and a small blue and white bird ducked inside as I was walking back from the mailbox. Pretty, but I didn’t get a good look at it. The opening is only about an inch in diameter. 

Life continues, with or without my participation. These birds have chosen to tell me that. I find it somewhat amusing that God has chosen these winged messengers that swarm around this time of the year to remind me that life, indeed, is good, and continues with nor without me. It is up to me. 

Fun times. Eileen and I enjoyed this time every year, and I love it this year, often pointing things out to Eileen, at least in my thoughts, but often voicing them. In my imagination she is still with me, enjoying the sights and sounds. 

I realized that it is up to me to find life good, and I have no reason to state that life is not good. Yes, I miss Eileen, but I have memories, and we have understood that someday one of us would be alone. That is my gift from God, and if I look at things that way I can grow and mature in the process. Viktor Frankl expressed it well, as he wrote after his experience in the German concentration camps: 

Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom. 

Edith Eger, who I believe died in a concentration camp expressed: 

The choice to accept myself as I am: human, imperfect. To be useful, to be used up, to survive and to thrive so I can make every moment to make the world a better place. 

Viktor Frankl talked about those in the concentration camps who would go around offering words of encouragement and often a piece of the one piece of bread that they had for food, as ones who choose to do good, no matter what. 

Who am I to do different? 

I have a choice: I can wallow in self-pity and cry for the world, or I can put myself forward and see if there is something I can do to bring love to my corner. I cannot affect the big picture, but the big picture is made up of millions of small pictures, and I can affect, maybe only a little, a small picture.  

I try to make one phone call a day to someone who, like me, has lost their partner or cannot leave their home. Sometimes I miss a day, but that is my intention. Then I have resumed the book group I have had operating for about 7 years or so, now using Zoom. Small group, 5-6 that meet each Wednesday eve. We are about finished with Richard Rohr’s book Things Hidden, Scripture as Spirituality, which looks at the bible as an unfolding tale of God introducing the Godself to humanity over a 2000-year period, culminating in Jesus, the
Christ. We should finish this book in about 2 weeks or so. Then we will go into another book by Richard Rohr, Breathing Under Water, Spirituality and the Twelve Steps. I use an Audible version of these books, so we can listen to a wonderful reading of the book by someone who can speak for the author in a meaningful way, and we comment as we go along, usually after each section unless someone (usually me) has a comment during the section. The Zoom address, if anyone is interested to see how it works, is: 

                       813 5887 8355 

                            322535 

The time is Wednesday eve at 7PM. I usually open the site a few minutes before that time. 

In addition, I am taking an online course from Richard Rohr on the same book, Breathing Under Water, and am about halfway finished. Life goes on, and my part in life is not over yet. 

Meditation  

Gentle One, I rest in Your Love each day. You have taught me to be patient, to take each day as it comes, to love myself gently, and treat myself kindly. You have shown me the value of giving myself to others, and to reap the joy the giving provides. Talking to others who have lost someone helps me to weep with them and finding those who are struggling in life gives me strength to continue to express my love in ways that fill my life with joy.