Apr 26, 2020

Birth, Death, Joy, Grief (9)

“Never be afraid to trust an unknown future

To a known God”

·      Corrie ten Bloom

My wife of 58 years (June 10, 2019) and best friend Eileen had been diagnosed with terminal cancer of the esophagus, in February 2019. Eileen died on February 22, 2020, the day following the birth of our latest granddaughter Maria, and the funeral was March 4, 2020. This blog gives my thoughts, fears, prayers, and hopes during this challenging and difficult time looking at the space in my life.

04/26/2020    These are strange times indeed. It feels like the whole world is in mourning with me, as the Carona-19 virus has gripped the world in an ever-tightening grip. Those of us who are lucky to have our income despite this fact are indeed fortunate, as so many are forced to really tighten their belt to the point of little or no food, rent, etc. This year will be a disaster globally, with so many dying from the virus and associated problems, especially food shortage and the associated illnesses. I feel fortunate in many ways: my daughter is with me 24/7, I can talk with friends and family, I daily see pictures of my new  grandchildren, two of which are very young, Clara being five months this coming week, and Maria being 2 months this past week.

Even the timing of Eileen’s death was a blessing, as we were able to be with her to the end, and celebrate her life with a wonderful funeral, filled with love, tears, and laughter. That is not possible today, and my heart goes out to those who die alone, and to the grieving families left to mourn alone without saying goodbye.

Those of us who can use technology can communicate and share life electronically, with almost no limit. Indeed, spring is here, rain and all. I put my bonsai in their appointed place for the year; now I have to start giving them the spring pruning and trimming, plus daily watering if nature does not supply that. These are the things that Eileen and I loved doing together, and I miss our group that meets monthly, as they had promised to help with Eileen’s 15-20 bonsai, along with my 20 or so. I even mowed the lawn around the house, and got the tractor stuck for the first time this year! (I will have to get help to get it out, but the person who does the weeding and grounds work will be able to pull it out next week.)

This coming Friday, May 1^st, is Eileen’s birthday. She would have been 82 years old. It seems astounding to me that two months have passed since her death, but time keeps going on. Barb and I have talked about what we may do, and we could go visit the cemetery, even though she has not been interred, but the headstone is there. We shall see, as it depends on the weather as well. We are talking about the internment this summer, when the Ohio part of the family is here on vacation. Time and the virus shall tell.

Death is so common; we all have that destiny, but right now we see so many thousands of unexpected deaths from the virus. It will reach 60,000 in our country soon, if not by the time you see this, and each death leaves a series of painful holes in the family’s lives. Our society will be shaken for a generation or two, but the potential of another pandemic is always there, and this one will hang around for years. Then, of course, people will look back on that as an episode “back then”, and “it can’t happen to me”, until it happens again. We did see it almost 100 years ago, and glanced at it as a great shame in our history books. The principle cure is the same now as it has been for a thousand years: isolate oneself from getting it.

Meditation

My Guiding Light, you fill me with wonder and joy, along with sadness and tears. I know that this path of life is limited, but experiencing it is painful but part of life. The part that brings me closer toYour Being that resides in all of us, lives freely in me, and is always encouraging me to see more, and still more. I place myself in Your care, as that is what encourages me and brings hope and joy. The joy of new life as one ends is so profound it takes my breath away; and I have been double blessed with two beautiful little ones in my life.