Jan 31, 2021

 Birth, Death, Joy, Grief (49) 

“Never be afraid to trust an unknown future 

To a known God” 

• Corrie ten Bloom

My wife of almost 59 years (59 years on June 10, 2020) and best friend Eileen had been diagnosed with terminal cancer of the esophagus, in February 2019. Eileen died on February 22, 2020, the day following the birth of our latest granddaughter, Maria; 60 years to the day after we met; the funeral was March 4, 2020, and the burial was July 3, 2020. Then my brother Tom began having serious health problems, and I spent two three-week sessions with him this summer. But Tom passed in October; and my sister-in-law Sue passed from COVID-19 in late January 2021, hopefully completing a very challenging year.  Combined with the COVID pandemic this has created a very challenging year. This blog gives my thoughts, fears, prayers, and hopes during this challenging and difficult time looking at the spaces in my life. 

1/31/2021              Before I start my journal entry, I want to ask you to help any friend, usually elderly, who is eligible for the COVID vaccine but has been frustrated trying to register, to help them. The entry in New York is https://am-i-eligible.covid19vaccine.health.ny.gov/ 

The form just requires the name and birthdate of the person you are trying to register to determine their eligibility, and their address. Anyone can help another. Then it takes you to the portal where it lists all the vaccine sites and if they have any times available. If you find a convenient place, enter on the available time listed and sign up. 

A friend of mine was frustrated trying to navigate to sites and was unable to do this. I am Facebook friends with their daughter, and I gave her the information this past Friday, and she had them registered Saturday morning. 

As I mentioned last week, I received notice that my sister-in-law Sue Mahoney (the wife of Eileen’s brother Jim who passed several years ago from esophageal cancer, the same cancer that took Eileen) passed from COVID-19 as I was writing that entry into my journal on Saturday. I remember Sue with much love, as we had had many great times together over the years. What I remember clearly is her ever-ready smile and laugh, and of course her bright red hair. We grew closer over the years, and once we moved our family from Long Island to our present location up-state, we spend every Thanksgiving, for many years, at Jim and Sue’s house back on Long Island. All nine of us would pile in our car and head back on Wednesday, spend a joyful holiday with people stacked in fold-away beds, sleeping bags, and everywhere, as their family grew to six, and come back on Sunday. We stopped our annual trek when our kids started going to college, as usually we spent the following Sunday after Thanksgiving taking someone back to school, so we reluctantly had to stop that delightful trip. Then our primary times together was in the summer, when their family would travel here for a vacation in our country home, pond, and woods.  

I remember the joy she brought to any gathering, which together with Jim’s (Eileen’s brother and Sue’s husband) wonderful sense of humor created a gathering filled with laughter. When they were here there was up to 11 children, and almost always many in the pond at any time of the day. Or night.  

Sue had a strong love of family, and when her children joined a partnership, with rents on Long Island being so high, they just added bedrooms and stayed there. At the time of Sue’s passing there was four generations living in the big house. The strong love kept the lively house going, and she will be missed by all. 

But she was fiercely independent, driving to the Carolina’s to see her sister at least once a year, and then driving to the DC area many times a year to see her son Matt and family. She drove up here many times, always confident behind the wheel. She was very active in her church, attending national conferences (which she loved!) every chance she could. 

I will not risk going to Long Island for the funeral. But since that is a problem for many, the funeral will be live streamed to watch on my iPad on Friday. That is a nice twist that technology has honed well during this difficult time, allowing someone to attend a service or conference that is otherwise a challenge. Even though I immerse myself in Mass each Sunday at church where everyone is very careful, it is live streamed to many others, giving them an opportunity to at least pray the Mass, even though they can’t receive the Eucharist. 

I am the oldest of this generation still living, with only Eileen’s brother Kevin left who is several years younger than I. Life continues, with nary a beat missing, as one generation begats the next. The next generation is very large, as we had 7 children, my brother Tom (and Mary) had 3, Eileen’s sister Maureen (and Tom) had10, Jim (and Sue) had 4 and Kevin (and Mary Jo) has 4, most (but not all) are married with children of their own. And so, on life goes. Yes, their children are beginning to join with others and have children. 

I am finally taking my Christmas things down. I took the ornaments off the tree today (Saturday) and will hopefully have some help tomorrow taking the tree out to garage in its bag to wait for next year. I will take the stable down on Sunday, then slowly dismantle the remaining decorations over the next week. 

I keep remembering a year ago, as Eileen slowly slid towards her death, and the warmth and unlimited help that hospice supplied, and how our four daughters divided the work and things ran so smoothly. We had to take Christmas things down a bit early to make room for all the extra people and things that had to be accommodated. The familial love made the process bearable while it ground out its inevitable end. 

Meditation  

Gentle One, you give me the comfort of a large family that through technology we can reach out to touch one another. These contacts make the isolation bearable, and each day brings me closer to my vaccine date, after which I will breathe easier. Only by remaining close to Your unfailing love in my awareness do I feel comforted and calm in this isolation. To this end I have added a period of evening meditation as a daily practice rather than a haphazard attempt.