Feb 15, 2015

Pondering

 

Step 5. Admitted to God, to myself, and to at least one other person, the nature of my fears, resentments, worries, anxieties, and grievances that prevent me from surrendering my life over to the care of God as I understand Her/Him.

 

This is the step wherein we lay it all out in the open. We truly want to change, we truly want to live a life of Abundance, but do I want to talk about it? No way! Unfortunately, that is not how life functions.
It sometimes not necessary to talk to someone, and there are times it is advisable not to talk to someone, and I know people who have successfully not talked to someone in step 5, but it is highly recommended. Yes, I know, that is how you will start. Then life may remain the same, and you will wonder why. Then you remember you were supposed to talk to someone. Then you will procrastinate some more, and your life will continue to shuffle on out of control, then you may decide to give it a try.

 

When you finally decide to try, this input will be very useful to you in the process. In the meantime, read this and store it for future reference, and then read it again.

 

We Catholics (yes I know much of what I have been saying and hinting at is not part of the Catholic teaching, but I have spent 80 years being a Catholic, or at least going to Mass each Sunday) have an advantage in this step. We have a service called The Sacrament of Reconciliation that serves much of the same purpose. We study ourselves, tell the priest what we consider we have done wrong, then in the name of God we are forgiven.

 

The fourth step has a similar form, but different. Here we not only talk about our wrongs, but our general outlook on life as a whole, including our fears, worries and concerns, besides those aspects of our life that cause us shame and guilt, commonly called “defects of character”. And we do not deal with things that in our heart we know that yes, we did so and so, but that has no impact on our state of being. This is the time we lay our life out on the line; especially those portions of our life where we understand are preventing us from giving ourselves into the care of our God, as we understand Her/Him.

 

The One who Listens

 

When choosing a person listen to your story, and the time, Choose someone you trust with your personal story, who will not share it with anyone without your permission, and who will listen carefully, asking only questions so that they understand the event sufficiently to acknowledge what occurred and move on to the next event. A good suggestion is your best friend, where you and he/she will be at ease with one another. Tell that person before hand what you expect from this moment in your life, that you are doing a release of the burdens that have weighed you down and prevented you from evolving onward. This moment is a cleansing, the acknowledgement of your unwanted past, a past that needs to be left behind in order to evolve.

 

The principle key to choosing the person is that person’s ability to be discrete and to accept what you are saying quietly. This is why a professional therapist understands all, and is bound by their ethics code from telling anyone about a client. A priest and minister are also trained in this manner. Anyone who has been active in a 12 Step program like Alcohol Anonymous and is a sponsor in that program is a good candidate as this step is a key step in the AA 12 step program.

 

But a good friend will also act in this manner, never revealing by words or actions anything to imply what you will have said to them. You must have absolute confidence in the person that you choose, and feel perfectly comfortable in sharing your story. There can be no hesitation about telling this tale, for it is YOUR tale to tell of your life.

 

When I understood the importance of telling this tale, I have done this repeatedly when new areas uncover themselves, either something I have recently done, or a remembrance of an old event that I had not wanted to look at before this time but has shown itself as a blocking feeling or event. Once enough time, several years, have passed, it is not necessary to talk about it, as the level of problems will diminish, and you will find yourself the recipient of these discussions with some one else.

 

The Event of Cleansing

 

Choose a quiet time, a time when neither of you will be interrupted, and set the stage for a true celebration. Use whatever is comfortable for you, but a beer or a glass of wine, or anything that you would use in a celebration, would not be amiss.

 

Unless they are someone who has been through these moments before, be sure to describe to your chosen person what you expect from them. Their main part is to just listen, and acknowledge that they heard you description of the event or feeling, and your remaining feelings that form your barrier. Details beyond what you describe are not necessary, and are to be added only if your perspective is not clear to the listener.

 

Most of us do not have anything truly serious, from a legal viewpoint, that needs to be guarded from revelation. Most of what we have to say will say, to be honest, will be seen as benign and almost silly to be such a blocking point in our life. But these events have formed giant blocks in our mind, and need to be laid to rest if we are to evolve. Your chosen listener is not to downplay any of your feelings, and should not say “Oh that was nothing, surely” or other words to downplay your feelings. These feelings and demons or defects of character are yours and are real to you.

 

Acknowledging Your Life

 

We have lived our life in what most believe to be a reasonable manner. Oh sure, we have made mistakes, we could have been more tolerant, we could have treated some folks nicer, and our fears have sometimes driven us to act in a unreasonable manner on occasion, but in general we think our life has not been too bad.

 

But we feel restless, we know that happiness is there for some folks, but somehow, even when we are at our happiest, something seems missing. We may have tried different programs, attended lectures, read some or many self-help books, but something is still missing.

 

What is missing is a cleansing of our lives, an acknowledgement of who and what has formed our life, and a sensing of Who We Are at this point in our life. Our life lived to this point has been a grand adventure. Now it is time to put our past into the Past, where it will reside in peace, and we can live in the Now, that time of the present that is all there is in the eyes of God. God does not consider anything we have done in the past to be a mistake, or a ‘sin’ (the word ‘sin’ means mistake), but events that perhaps have failed to bring us to the next level of Being, or at the very least, are preventing us from moving into the promised life of joy and happiness.

 

This cleansing process is a mark of moving on in our maturity and evolutionary process, and is an event to be savored for its’ healing capability and to be celebrated. Doing this process with a beer or a glass of wine or soda or water, or whatever makes you feel most comfortable as a means of celebration, is a good way to do this step. It marks the moment when we leave our past behind, those events that have caused us pain over the years. This step is a step of release, one that permits us to have the space in our being to welcome Paradise, that place where we discover the peace and joy of God, bringing a world of happiness into our life that transcends the outer world we live in.

 

Putting it all on the line

 

This is Who We Are. Some of the events when looked at from this point in our story, will seem almost silly. A childhood squabble that has forever changed a relationship. Sometimes we will not be able to remember what the disagreement was about, but it may have spoiled a relationship, at least in our own minds, and needs to be put to bed. Sometimes it will be with someone who has passed on, and you never had the opportunity to discuss it. And sometimes it will be very serious; perhaps a spouse that cheated or was a bully, or those who bullied us in school.

 

This action of being bullied, when I was in high school, proved to be a large barrier to my growth, and it took some talking to work that our of my system, and to forgive them. The ironic part is, that when I returned for a high school reunion many years later, no one remembered any of the events that were a sore point in my life, but all remembered a much more positive point in life than I did. I had built up such barrier to my growth from these events, and no one else, including those in my mind that had created such events, could remember any negative interactions. All that proved that I recalled only the negative parts, and did not recall many of the joys of that time. What a waste of my time spent bemoaning and resenting those years, when I could have rejoiced in the positive times instead.

 

All need to be put into the past and laid to rest. One by one, acknowledge the event and/or feeling, give it over to the care of our God, and go to the next. This process cannot be hurried, but taken one step at a time. Use all the time necessary. It may take more than one meeting, but the process is the important part, and all must be included, except legal impacting items which are between you and God.

 

Step 5. Admitted to God, to myself, and to at least one other person, the nature of my fears, resentments, worries, anxieties, and grievances that prevent me from surrendering my life over to the care of God as I understand Her/Him.

 

Meditation

 

My Beloved Wisdom, the Nurturer of my life, You have shown me the path of growth, where I humbly place ourselves into the open, making myself (at least in my own mind) vulnerable to others, but making it possible to remove my burdens that have made my life uncomfortable, not able to find the Paradise that You have offered me, and assured me that it is there for my claim. I acknowledge in gratitude this opportunity to reclaim my birthright, to know once again Who I Am, so I can move more deeply into the mystery of the universe.