Aug 20, 2023

Living in Unconditional Love (128)

 

“Love flows from God to humans without effort:

As a bird glides through the air without moving its wings-

Thus, they go wherever they wish united in body and soul,

Yet separate in form.”

–Mechtild of Magdeburg

 

My wife Eileen died from esophageal cancer in February 2020 one year after being diagnosed, 60 years after we met on Long Island. Then my brother Tom became ill (not COVID), and I spent a total of six weeks being with him in Ohio, but he died in October 2020. My sister-in-law Sue Mahoney died from Covid-19 in January 2021. On top of it all stood the pandemic, locking everyone down almost two years.

08/20/2023                                      The weather has been a bit cool, remaining in the 60’s on Friday and barely cracking 70 on Saturday as I write this. We have had some heavy storms this week, some even washing some of the paths down from the woods above my house and sending debris across the driveway by the house. But generally, it has been nice, and I even got out to work on the bonsai for a few hours today.

My favorite season is under way: corn on the cob! How I love my two ears during supper,

Much of the garden is winding down, as the last of the daylilies are in bloom (I have a few late blooming ones, and some of the repeat blooming daylilies), the gladiolas will start soon, the weeds are gone, and so everything looks nice. I sit in the garden in the glider which is close to the frog pond garden (the one by the driveway) and enjoy the beauty of all several times a week. I am indeed fortunate to have so much nature by my side.

I saw two stags, both with large racks on their heads down in the lower pasture this week, and one of them came up fairly close to the house. This may be the one that attacked my lilies this year. He climbed the hill by the side of the garage behind the basketball hoop and vanished into the woods above. The other one did not venture up here. I have heard that the lack of hunting in the area has caused a large growth in the number of deer, so I imagine they can get very aggressive in the winter trying to remain alive and find food.

I find that prayer by Thomas Merton that I published a couple of weeks ago has been haunting my mind, especially the opening part: “My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think that I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so.” I find that this resonates deeply within me, as I struggle with the question “have I used the talents and gifts You have given me in Your way sufficiently? And if not, now what?” “Have I even tried sufficiently.” These are question that ring in my head at my age many times. I find it a bit depressing, in that I cannot change the past, and my future is limited by my decreasing mobility and age. I am fortunate to have little pain, but just find myself incapable to generate much energy. I suspect that the meds I take to control my blood pressure is partly to blame, but I would not be here without them. I will continue to ponder these words and do what I can to answer the calls I do get in a positive manner, to extend God’s love in whatever way I can.

 

Meditation

Gentle One, this part of my life is totally in Your Being. I live a very isolated life, seeing few others in my daily routine – today is not uncommon in that I have not seen or talked to anyone, even on the phone. And I do not resent this and enjoy the silence. I listened to a few meditations this morning and listened to the radio while I went to a roadside stand for corn, but other than that is has been silence except for the beauty of nature that is around me. I bow before You, grateful for all You have given me.