Jan 15, 2023

Living in Unconditional Love (97)

“Love flows from God to humans without effort:

As a bird glides through the air without moving its wings-

Thus, they go wherever they wish united in body and soul,

Yet separate in form.”

–Mechtild of Magdeburg

 

My wife Eileen died from esophageal cancer in February 2020 one year after being diagnosed, 60 years to the day that we met on Long Island. Then my brother Tom became ill, and I spent a total of six weeks being with him in Ohio, but he died in October 2020. My sister-in-law Sue Mahoney died from Covid-19 in January 2021. On top of it all stood the pandemic, locking everyone down almost two years, and even though it is abating, I wear my mask anytime I am out among people, unlike many.

01/15/2023                             Shies! If not one thing it is another. I had my usual 6 month visit with my doctor, and mentioned I seemed to be short of breath when I do almost anything. She checked me out and told me that my left lung was full. I believe this what is called “walking pneumonia”. I feel mostly ok as my cold is gone but feel tired almost all the time. She put me on antibiotics that should take care of it, and I will her see next week to check it out.

I am still planning to go to the company Christmas dinner tomorrow (Saturday) eve, but I will monitor how I feel at that time. I believe it is important that I be there to assure all that well and there is no problem with the company even though one of the partners is gone.

I am writing this on Friday, even if it is Friday the 13^th no black cats have been seen and the day is going along about as good as it can. Had a long nap in the afternoon after pre-cooking two pounds of bacon (I partially cook the bacon to make breakfast time easier) and had 10 hours of sleep (or at least rest) last night.

I find that God continues to be gentle with me and life is as good as it can be. I watch nature, the birds, and rest a lot of the time. Time just seems to float by day by day. I paint when I can, but the extra rest my body is demanding doesn’t leave a lot of time for that.

I still have my tree up, and it will stay up for another week or so, depending on how I feel. I enjoy looking at it as it reminds me of joyful times in the family over the years.

I find that God and I have long discussions on life in general, as I watch time slide by. I am content with my life at this point, some health issues but in general I am feeling well despite the issues. The day seems to start later even though I get to bed earlier, but that is normal I think considering all. Once I am up and about things move right along according to ‘plan’ (or not) but generally the pattern is consistent. I am glad that my freezer is stocked, and I could go on for some time without going to the stores except for bread and bananas. I keep backups for my most used items like breakfast cereals and peanut butter and jelly, and so I can last quite a while at home.

There are many things I wish I had not done in life, and they keep me from taking myself too seriously and letting things go to my ego. I know who I am inside, and that is very sobering. But the past is the past, and no wishing will change that, and I have learned to accept the bad along with the good that I have done.

Meditation

Gentle One, I rest in You as life goes on. I find myself too often regretting acts of the past and ignoring the good I have accomplished in life. But we are all mixtures of good and bad, and still You beckon me on in love and acceptance. I am awed by the love I always feel flowing from You, even when I ignore it to do my own will. I am grateful for all You have given me over the years; totally awed by the breadth of joy and love I have felt.