Jan 09, 2022

  Living in Unconditional Love (44)

“Love flows from God to humans without effort:

As a bird glides through the air without moving its wings-

Thus, they go wherever they wish united in body and soul,

Yet separate in form.”

–Mechtild of Magdeburg

My wife Eileen died from esophageal cancer in February 2020 one year after being diagnosed, 60 years to the day that we met on Long Island. Then my brother Tom became ill, and I spent a total of six weeks being with him in Ohio, but he died in October 2020. My sister-in-law Sue Mahoney died from Covid-19 in January 2021. On top of it all stood the pandemic, locking everyone down over a year and a half, and still going strong from my viewpoint, as I wear my mask anytime I am out, unlike many.

01/09/2022                         This past week has been a week of learning to live alone again. The health result of family visits is that my daughter Janet came down with COVID starting on her last day here. She was tested and got the positive result on Tuesday. I went down and was tested on Wednesday and am awaiting the results. So far everybody who have been tested and have their results has tested negative, but I rode back from Mohonk with her for almost three hours, and of course hugs goodbye, etc.

I did pick up a cold, mostly coughing, but I have no temperature or any other sign that they watch for, but I am hunkered down for the time being. Taking some cough meds that seem to be helping,

I have spent the week recovering, washing sheets and making beds. I went to Mass Tuesday morning and had my chiropractic appointment that day, but after Janet’s notice I went and got tested, grocery shopped, and then simply stayed home. I told various people I had been with of the potential impact. It is a bit depressing to be alone, but I have found ways to deal with that. I continue to paint, and I set up my model to build and have started that. But mostly I sleep, as the key impact of the illness (and meds) is tiredness. The amusing thing is that I slept better last night than I had in weeks – over 9 hours, which I rarely have ever done. Yes, I was up, but only once.

But it was such a joy to have the Christmas crowd here and go to Mohonk and see family that my memories are richer by far. My tree is still up and sparkling and I love to just sit and look at it. I will keep it up until the end of January. All the lights and flashes of light from the ornaments bring a sense of joyfulness.

I have bought tickets to fly to Lima, Peru, on February 15 and stay for 10 days or so. I may expand my stay while there, depending on how I adjust. I choose that time to coincide with the second anniversary of Eileen’s death, but also to celebrate Maria’s second birthday. I feel it is better to be in places of joy than being alone at a time like that.

I look out at the white snow and cold weather (it is 17 degrees on my front deck) and watch the birds feeding and see the beauty of nature. Even though it is cold, and projected to stay that way for a while, nature is breathtaking to see. I could, and do, stare for many minutes at the scene presented to me every day.

Meditation

Gentle One, I feel cradled in love as I watch the passing of the winter. I am surrounded by family and friends that prod me into action when I tend to just sit and do nothing. I am grateful for all that touch my life and am always surprised when something new appears. The gift of this life is a wonderous thing.