Dec 19, 2021

  Living in Unconditional Love (41)

“Love flows from God to humans without effort:

As a bird glides through the air without moving its wings-

Thus, they go wherever they wish united in body and soul,

Yet separate in form.”

–Mechtild of Magdeburg

My wife Eileen died from esophageal cancer in February 2020 one year after being diagnosed, 60 years to the day that we met on Long Island. Then my brother Tom became ill, and I spent a total of six weeks being with him in Ohio, but he died in October 2020. My sister-in-law Sue Mahoney died from Covid-19 in January 2021. On top of it all stood the pandemic, locking everyone down over a year and a half, and still going strong from my viewpoint, as I wear my mask anytime I am out, unlike many.

12/19/2021                                     Merry Christmas! The next journal entry will be after Christmas, and the last one of the year. I did bake the molasses cookies this week. Once I read the recipe, I saw that I had made a mistake in last week’s journal. It only requires sifting the flour three times (but five cups) but that is still quite a bit. Then I iced them (primarily powdered sugar with a touch of vanilla and a little milk), a soft drizzly mix that used food coloring in to make things colorful. And they are as good as I remember. That was an annual Christmas task, and we always made several with a hole in the top with a toothpick that we could thread and hang from the tree, along with all the other silly things like strung popcorn etc. and lots of ornaments. I stopped hanging them from the tree many years ago, so no little hole at the top now.

We purchased a full set of ornaments several years ago that form the center of the tree decorations, but still use many of the ornaments we had gathered over the years. Tim, the person who does all the work around here and my person who helps in everything, came by on Thursday and I asked him and if he would move the furniture and bring the tree in from the garage and help me unzip the cover with his helper, so now the tree is in its accustomed place and fully lit. I love to see the lights blazing away, all white led lights that take almost no power for the 1200 lights. We (Barbara and I) will decorate it just before Christmas.

I always love this time of year. We are still planning on going to Mohonk, even though Covid is strong, but all have had their booster shots and we should be well. My son Drew decided not to bring his young (ages 4 and 2) family, as Covid is very intense where he lives and he does not want to take a chance, so hopefully we will be able to go sometime in the summer. It is a lot more fun for the young ones in the summer too.

I continue to paint, finishing two family ones (one of my granddaughter Maria taken on her first birthday, and one of Eileen’s sister Maureen and her husband Tom and son John, taken about the time that I first met them in 1961. They look very nice, and I will continue to work on others (most I work on are not family), especially a Santa Clause one, hoping to finish it this week. It will be close. I will move the painting room into my walk-in closet when everyone comes, as we need the bedroom. Six will be coming for that week; but Barbara will be coming this Wednesday, so I must find room for 7!

It is a joy (but noisy) when all are here. I feel the presence of Eileen in all, especially during the family time. It was always one of the most joyful times of the year, and we celebrated long and filled with joy. I now feel comfortable being alone, and know that she is always with me, rolling her eyes at my various ways of doing things that are different than she would have done them.

Sometimes life comes full circle. When I was small, before I went to school, we lived in the country where there were no kids my age, so I was alone, wandering the fields in the summer and having fun in the snow in the winter. Now that I am old, I am alone once more and living in the country, and like in those times, still enjoying life the way it is, wandering sometimes in the fields just smelling and feeling the wonder of life. Don’t think I will be rolling around in the snow though. How would I stand up?

Meditation

Gentle One, Your gentle feel and touch bring me back to the center of life. To live is a grand thing and I feel so grateful for the chance to experience life and beauty. Yes, pain is a part of life, but pain is the pathway to You in all Your Love that lies beneath all that is. I am in awe of the 87 years of joy and happiness You have granted me, and rest easily in Your Love until I cross the next barrier.