Nov 21, 2021

   Living in Unconditional Love (37) 

“Love flows from God to humans without effort: 

As a bird glides through the air without moving its wings- 

Thus, they go wherever they wish united in body and soul, 

Yet separate in form.” 

–Mechtild of Magdeburg 

My wife Eileen died from esophageal cancer in February 2020 one year after being diagnosed, 60 years to the day that we met on Long Island. Then my brother Tom became ill, and I spent a total of six weeks being with him in Ohio, but he died in October 2020. My sister-in-law Sue Mahoney died from Covid-19 in January 2021. On top of it all stood the pandemic, locking everyone down for over a year and a half, and still going strong from my viewpoint. 

11/21/2021 This may be rather short, as the house is still full until Monday with Dan and family here, and the two little ones making life enjoyable (and energetic). Various members of the family are stopping off to chat; lots of fun and joy. My oldest daughter Barbara will come up for Thanksgiving today (Sunday) and spend some time with Dan and family before they leave tomorrow. 

We went to Mohonk Mountain House for three nights and four days (almost). Saw some of my staff friends and shared Eileen’s story, walked up to Skytop for the first time in several (ok, many) years (yes, I surprised myself) but I used my cane for support on the steep path, and went through the bitter-sweet time of staying there without Eileen. Next time at Christmas it will be easier. 

I stopped in the cemetery to chat with Eileen, as my heart is overflowing with joy at this moment, and I had to share it with her. Much to be thankful for this year. It has been a difficult year, but I have reached a point where I have accepted life as it presents itself to me, moment by moment. Life continues no matter what we wish, and watching these small, exciting bundles show how life moves forward day by day. Much bouncy music as Maria sorts through the wonders of lively music on my iPad or her parent’s phone. She loves to dance and laugh with the beat. 

We have had for years a Disney Pooh and Tigger on a sleigh stuffed creation that plays “Jingle Bells” and chats when triggered. Maria discovered the trigger, and it was cute for the first few dozen times, but then —–. 

But I will miss the noise when they leave. 

On Saturday we watched by Zoom our daughter Janet perform on a trapeze in Pittsburgh in her Circus annual performance. Eileen and I went to her first one several years ago before Eileen became ill, and I am so glad it was broadcast live so we could watch it. It is amazing to watch her move so gracefully in the air doing things that make me hurt just to watch. (Did you try to hang on a bar by the knees and curl up to grasp the bar?) 

Meditation 

The breath of life that my Gentle One is sharing with me this week is a wonder to behold. Life holds so much joy if I can only let myself be guided by the One who Loves me beyond measure. I can feel the love of Eileen flowing through the life of the generations that bring me joy. You have blessed me beyond measure.