Oct 24, 2021

  Living in Unconditional Love (33) 

“Love flows from God to humans without effort: 

As a bird glides through the air without moving its wings- 

Thus, they go wherever they wish united in body and soul, 

Yet separate in form.” 

–Mechtild of Magdeburg 

My wife Eileen died from esophageal cancer in February 2020 one year after being diagnosed, 60 years to the day that we met on Long Island. Then my brother Tom became ill, and I spent a total of six weeks being with him in Ohio, but he died in October 2020. My sister-in-law Sue Mahoney died from Covid-19 in January 2021. On top of it all stood the pandemic, locking everyone down for over a year and a half. 

10/24/2021 I went down to Barbara’s home last weekend to see the play she has been working on, California Suite, by Neil Simon. I had seen it before, but like all of Neil Simon’s plays, it is very funny, so I had many good laughs. It is wonderful to laugh again at something. Then Barb and I had dinner at her place and just chatted. I picked up a friend of Barb’s that both Eileen and I knew well, who does not like to drive on the highways around that part of the world and brought her to and from the play. She had also worked on the plays with Barb in the backstage in the past, and knew everybody, so it was fun to chat, and it gave her a chance to meet with many of her friends in the cast. She lost her daughter a three years ago to cancer, and it really devastated her. We talked a bit about our mutual losses. I believe losing ones’ child is more difficult than losing a spouse, but I have some understanding of the difficulties she has had.  

Sorry that my journal was a day late coming out. I had set it up wrong before I left home to see Barb, and it can only be changed by my main computer which was at home.  

I came back home on Monday. While passing my drugstore I stopped in to set a date for my booster and flu shot. They said I could get both right then, so I did. I was told to stay home the next day and expect to be very tired and to nap a lot. The flu shot arm was quite sore, the booster shot arm not so much, and I had chills early in the morning that kept me awake for several hours. I had a doctor appointment in the morning which I went to but really got tired in the afternoon and slept all afternoon besides all night. I had little appetite, so had soup for lunch and dinner, and just dozed all day. By Wednesday I felt fine and had the usual meetings by Zoom including my business meetings and the book club. 

I mowed lawn on Thursday, and got the tractor stuck in mud beside the driveway as I was taking one last edge cut before putting the machine away; and it just slid into a mini stream of muck that is normally dry this time of year. And of course, we have had more rain since then. 

My company is moving to a new location just down the street this coming week, so I went in to remove all artwork from the walls and to be sure the drawers of the desk and cabinets were empty. While there we received a notice from one of our customers with the requirement that any of our personnel who visited them must be vaccinated. As a sub-contractor, we are not under the same mandate that all government contractors are to have total vaccination of all personnel. However, we do have a few service contracts with NASA and the Air Force, so we do not know what the requirement will be. At least two of our employees are not vaccinated, and one has stated that he has “researched all” and will not be dictated to; and would rather lose his job rather than submit to a mandate. So far it is not a requirement, but we will do what we must do. It would be a shame, as he does many good things, but his “research” is into strange sites that lie and twist facts; and the real data is just not available on the web, no matter what you read or how good you are. The mountains of data supporting the vaccine is very obscure and in many different forms and is of use by the experts who use sophisticated programs to analyze it. All we see is the accumulated result, and the results support the vaccine, mask use, and other recommended things. They now understand that the virus spreads primarily through the breath, hanging in the air droplets from every breath unless blocked by a mask or other means. 

The required vaccination date to be fully vaccinated (two weeks after the second shot) is December 8. 

God had given us means to understand nature and the wonderous means to overcome disease in general. Sometimes the path is twisty and takes many turns, as understanding of this virus has taken time and careful analysis. This is all fresh data, coming from hundreds of studies and breakdowns of individual cases being compiled by various hospitals, companies, and universities daily. It is astounding how rapidly we came to understand various levels of this virus and finding means to control it. It is a shame that some believe they have more resources than the government and companies trying to fight the virus, and universities dedicated to trying to save humanity. 

Looking at what I have written I note just an ordinary week, no special insights, just life going on. I spend most of my time isolated at home, but things happen, and it is one of the great joys of life to just live. I spend a bit more time at night sleeping, now usually around eight hours or a little more. I talk to folks when I can, aiming to have at least one call a day but not always achieving it. I find that God is gently leading me, one day at a time, easing the sharp pain into a more solid and fulfilling life. 

Meditation  

Gentle God, You have eased my thrashing about into a gentler flow of life. More time to spend savoring life, still something I don’t do well, even with the beauty that is mine all the time. Even when I walk, I intend to get somewhere, even if it is nowhere in particular. Hopefully with Your guidance I will learn to stop and “enjoy the roses” more often than I presently do.