Sep 26, 2021

  Living in Unconditional Love (29) 

“Love flows from God to humans without effort: 

As a bird glides through the air without moving its wings- 

Thus, they go wherever they wish united in body and soul, 

Yet separate in form.” 

–Mechtild of Magdeburg 

My wife Eileen died from esophageal cancer in February 2020 one year after being diagnosed, 60 years to the day that we met on Long Island. Then my brother Tom became ill, and I spent a total of six weeks being with him in Ohio, but he died in October 2020. My sister-in-law Sue Mahoney died from Covid-19 in January 2021. On top of it all stood the pandemic, locking everyone down for over a year. 

09/26/2021 Things are back to normal, and it was a quiet week. It has taken awhile to settle down and acknowledge that life goes on, one day at a time. And if it looks like I am fumbling with what to say, you are right. But God has been gentle with me this week, giving me time to settle down. The summer is gone, fall is here, and the trees are changing color and dropping leaves, and even my bonsai are turning red and dropping leaves. The temperature is cooler, but still considerably warmer than in the years past. Not too many years ago we could have expected frost at any time, but it is still in the 60s during the day and is expected to continue like this for at least another two weeks. I did turn the AC to heat, and that is providing all the heat I need for now. 

Much rain, and the grass is still growing like crazy. But the flowers are almost all gone, with a few blooms hanging around here and there – a rose bloom here, a late daylily (one is in full bloom) there, a few flowers on the phlox, and a mum or two. I don’t buy any mums (I used to buy a dozen or so) as they require too much work to plant, but I have a few that have stuck around. 

I visited Eileen this week, and we ‘talked’ about the award ceremony, the grandchildren, and life living alone. I have many things I can do so I pick and choose between them, usually spending an hour or two painting the paint-by-number canvases I am currently working on. I still find it difficult to work on the bonsai without Eileen. One of the fellow members of the bonsai club has offered to take some from me; I may take him up on that. They deserve better care.  

I met by pure accident a past member of bonsai club at the dentist where I went for a teeth cleaning. He had done much hard work in my garden, creating terraces where there had been just a wild very steep hill before; now it looks beautiful. He has gotten married and has two little girls and is in construction and very busy. It was great just to chat for the ten minutes before I was called into the office. Always a joy to cross paths with a friend that I had not seen in several years. 

As you can see, just a simple week, a chance to relax. Chatting with the two groups I meet with (one by zoom and one in one of the members houses (only three of us)) I very good, plus the short coffee visit after the Tuesday morning Mass here in Whiteny Point helps break up the alone times. 

I feel that God is very gentle with me at this time in my life. I am open to doing whatever comes my way, but right now I am not seeking new things. I have been gifted with visible unconditional love for 60 years, giving me a taste of the unconditional love of God which is ongoing but not as visible as before. 

Meditation  

Gentle One, I feel Your Love that surrounds me and holds me gently. I lean on Your strength and let You guide me on my path. That is the only sure thing I have but it is sufficient. I see beauty everywhere, even when it pours, and I wonder: how could I have been so fortunate to have a loving partner for 60 years? And so much natural beauty? Everywhere I gaze I see Your imprint on all there is. It is sufficient.