Jun 20, 2021

   Living in Unconditional Love (15) 

“Love flows from God to humans without effort: 

As a bird glides through the air without moving its wings- 

Thus, they go wherever they wish united in body and soul, 

Yet separate in form.” 

–Mechtild of Magdeburg 

My wife Eileen died from esophageal cancer in February 2020 one year after being diagnosed, 60 years to the day that we met on Long Island. Then my brother Tom became ill, and I spent a total of six weeks being with him in Ohio, but he died in October 2020. My sister-in-law Sue Mahoney died from Covid-19 in January 2021. On top of it all stood the pandemic, locking everyone down for over a year. 

06/20/2021 Hope all are having a good Father’s Day, as that is the day this will be published on my web site. The week was good, but quiet, as most weeks are. I finally worked a little on the bonsai, as I have determined the robin is gone. Small things: got my two tomato plants in their pots, and planted 10 gladiolas, the first batch of four I will plant, a week between plantings, for a month of blooms. Late this year, but the bulbs did not arrive until very late.  

My own fathering was a bit different, as I traveled a lot for business. But I have many fond memories of the joy at bedtimes, when I sang (after I learned to play the guitar) and read stories every night. Usually, the same songs night after night (and too often the same books), but that is how it is with young ones. Since we had so many over a wide age range, the younger ones had their turn first, then the older ones. More variety with the older group. Took over an hour. Great joy is part of that. The gathering of all and the gleeful pulling at the guitar was part of the daily ritual, and it has left indelible impressions on me. 

I was raised by loving parents, but I grew up during WWII, and dad worked 12 hours a night, (7-7), arriving home after I left for school, and leaving at 6:30 in the evening. He had one night off a month. (And people complained having to wear a mask!) He was also working on the house, as he had started enlarging the house before the war started. He wisely purchased all the lumber when the war started, as lumber was very scarce during the war. Dad cut every board and pounded every nail in the entire house – rough cuts to fine finishing in the kitchen (kitchen cabinet doors) and knotty pine in the living room. The only help he had was digging out the basement, after the initial build was completed without a basement and we had moved in in 1937. All this with no experience, just a set of books – the Audel’s books on carpentry. And yes, I have seen these in recent times in bookstores. 

So my experience of being fathered was limited, but still joyful and loving, giving me a base to work from as I knew, deep within, that dad wished it could be otherwise. But then my dad had no experience of his own – he was two when his own dad died, and 12 when his mom died, leaving him on his own. He was driving a truck by the time he was 14. But there is nothing like holding your own child for the first time, the wonder of being part of the creative process with God, to bring it all to the front. God blessed us seven times with that awesome moment. I visited Eileen on the way home from church, as it was her love that made me a father. I am still dumbfounded that such a beautiful person (in all ways) could love me like she did. 

Summer starts this (Sunday) evening, I believe at 6 PM, just as this journal is delivered to my web page. Hard to believe that summer is here, but time moves on. Everything is growing and leafing out, some of my lilies are already over 5 feet tall. The last of the Iris are going, and the peonies are winding down. My first Martagon lilies will be opening soon, starting the garden lily season, and the daylilies have started with the early ones. Nature is bountiful, and I find the breath of God every day in that gift. 

Yes, I did visit Eileen this week, on Thursday, then on Sunday. A pause of love. Her presence keeps me joyful yet too often wistful. 

Meditation  

Gentle One, You shower me with love and joy, even if I sometimes blind myself to its’ presence. I am grateful for all the nudges and sudden moments that fill my life each day. Joy seems to always there, bringing happiness and love all the time. I have been blessed for all my life, and I am almost giddy at times with that knowledge.