Jun 13, 2021

  Living in Unconditional Love (14) 

“Love flows from God to humans without effort: 

As a bird glides through the air without moving its wings- 

Thus, they go wherever they wish united in body and soul, 

Yet separate in form.” 

–Mechtild of Magdeburg 

My wife Eileen died from esophageal cancer in February 2020 one year after being diagnosed, 60 years to the day that we met on Long Island. Then my brother Tom became ill, and I spent a total of six weeks being with him in Ohio, but he died in October 2020. My sister-in-law Sue Mahoney died from Covid-19 in January 2021. On top of it all stood the pandemic, locking everyone down for over a year. 

06/13/2021 This was an eventful week. Barb and I drove down to Virginia a week ago Thursday to see Dan, Alisandra, and of course Maria. We had a great time, went to the Smithsonian Zoo on Friday, recovered on Saturday with a BBQ, and drove back to Barb’s place on Sunday, and I drove home on Monday. It was a delight to watch this little girl learning to walk – a few steps, plopping down, then standing back up for a few more steps. She will be joined by a sister in early July, so this was about the last opportunity to do something for a while.  

The zoo was interesting. The two things that stuck out to me was watching the tiger walking along a stream, roaring very loudly the whole time. This was the first time I had heard live the roar of a tiger – very impressive.  Then we watched the giant panda lounging on its back against a tree, munching on bamboo. It eats about 133 lbs. (that is what the sign said, including the word ‘about’), a day, since the nutritional value of bamboo is very low, but that is all it eats. 

Then on Thursday I celebrated with Eileen (mentally) our 60th wedding anniversary. I went to visit the cemetery and chatted with her, then went to our favorite restaurant that evening, and had a Manhattan (up) as we always did. I talked with the owner, as we have known her for many years, telling her about Eileen’s death and Maria’s birth, and their unusual connection. Moments of tears and joy, and spent a while working on the painting of Eileen in her wedding gown. Black and white, as color was rarely used back in 1961. Powerful day, and deeply felt. Eileen was very close that day, and she seemed encouraging to me. I felt her presence throughout the day. Tears, joy, gratitude, for the 60 years of love. 

The week continued with the Bonsai Club picnic at my place on Friday. Our bonsai looked a bit overgrown, as I had not done anything for a month or so since a robin had built a nest in one of the bonsai. I think it is now gone, but one egg is there – probably one that did not hatch, but I have not seen a bird there for a few days. I will watch this weekend to be sure they are not starting a second brood. 

Saturday had a visit with a picnic lunch with several friends in Cortland, which will reoccur on the second Saturday of the month for the summer, coinciding with one of the churches selling hot sandwiches. 

All these events were very welcome to me, as I could not just dwell on the loss of Eileen at such a time, as joy and laughter filled the time. I was provided with diversions that filled my time, while I continue to absorb my changed life. Yes, life is still good, but very different. The gift of friends is indeed lifesaving. The evenings are quiet unless I receive a call, usually from one of our children. I generally work on a Lego-style model for an hour or a little more, then do some internet things, then meditation for a short while, finally listening to a book while I work on a Diamond-style picture (look that up if you don’t know what they are.) I have said that I am into Disney, and the picture is of Snow White. 

Meditation  

Gentle One, Your presence was strong this week, and I gladly welcomed that warm feeling. Many highs that offset the deep lows. Indeed, the greatest feelings were gratitude for the gift of Eileen’s life. Our woven life over 60 years has resulted in the ongoing process of humanity, and life continues into the future. You fill my life today with interesting things and the wonderous beauty of nature, that feeds my soul.