Mar 07, 2021

Birth, Death, Joy, Grief (54) 

“Never be afraid to trust an unknown future 

To a known God” 

• Corrie ten Bloom

My wife of almost 59 years (59 years on June 10, 2020) and best friend Eileen had been diagnosed with terminal cancer of the esophagus, in February 2019. Eileen died on February 22, 2020, the day following the birth of our latest granddaughter, Maria; 60 years to the day after we met; the funeral was March 4, 2020, and the burial was July 3, 2020. Then my brother Tom began having serious health problems, and I spent two three-week sessions with him this summer. But Tom passed in October 2020; and my sister-in-law Sue passed from COVID-19 in late January 2021. Combined with the COVID pandemic this has created a very challenging year. This blog gives my thoughts, fears, prayers, and hopes during this challenging and difficult time looking at the spaces in my life. 

03/07/2021 I am writing this on Thursday, March 4, one year after the funeral for Eileen. This will be the last of this series which has been going for two years; it is now time to live life on this path that God has placed me at this time of my life. The journal will continue with a new name that reflects where God has placed me today. I choose today to write as a fitting tribute to this gut-wrenching period of life. I have been extremely lucky in life with few serious problems and little deep pain. Yes, I lost my parents, as did Eileen, but we have seven healthy children, lots of extended family, in which love pours out over all. I have been blessed many times over, and this dark period of life is also a period of personal growth.  

I have taken many risks in life, and most have resulted in blessings that could not have been foreseen. Prime among those was the decision out of the blue to take the job on Long Island, far from the warm home and the quiet country life where I had grown into adulthood. That decision was made without consulting anyone, only myself, over a weekend about a month before I graduated from the University of Dayton. I used the rational that I would like to see a completely different part of the world for a couple of years, and I could always come back to school or get a job in the space program, as both had been offered. That decision became the springboard for a life of joy and wonder that I could not have dreamed at the time.  

The one single blessing that has stood the test of time is that I met Eileen, who gave me unconditional love for 60 years. Nothing can top that, as she became the conduit of the Love of God in living form. 

I will end this with Dan’s eulogy, that extends Barbara’s words of last week. 

Dan wrote: 

            A wife, a sister, a mother (of 4 girls, 2 boys and a Dan as she would affectionally say) a grandmother, an aunt, mentor and a Friend are all descriptions that are mentioned describing my mother. 

• Determined – My mother was driven by sense of love, determination and adventure throughout her life. She always thought of others first and found such interesting way to entertain people. 

I’d like to run through some thoughts I have when I think of my mother. 

My sister mentioned camping in Canada; we would go camping there for a week each summer.  My dad would go gem hunting with his hammers and chisels, my mom would take us to the lake and go swimming.  We would have campfires and learn new campfire songs.  I always remember the meals my mom would make over the fire…. And the introduction to Hamburger Helper… What a delicious combination, I couldn’t believe my mother had invented such a wonderful meal.  When my mother got married she taught herself how to cook, and she was an amazing cook.  She has some legendary family meals such as Tuna Noodle Casserole and Aunt Eileen Green Beans.  Though her specialty was really baking and her flaky pie crusts…. Really is amazing growth after hearing her tell me about watching her mom who would light the oven by turning on the gas and throwing matches into the Oven. 

At our house we had a nice size pond, where now multiple generations have come and enjoyed their time swimming. When a large tree had fallen over the water, she had my dad trim the tree so that we could use it as a springboard. But no one has really enjoyed the power of the pond if they weren’t terrorized by my mom within the water. She would do this slow, silent swim on her back … just her eyes staring at you and her toes pointing at you …it was like an alligator coming to get you in slow motion and yet she always seemed to be getting closer and closer.  She told me later that she let the pure panic set in of her victims as we wasted energy flailing around.  Those that have experienced this fear… know what I mean. 

When she was around 55 years old, she left St Patrick’s in Whitney Point and went to school at Lemoyne for her Masters certificate of Theology.  Despite not being in school for over 35 years, she started this 4 year process of writing papers and taking tests.  After completing this she joined the St Margaret’s team.  The friendships with the leadership team of Father Dan, Sister Malice, Lana, and Donna.  Along with the entire parish community opened a wonderful new door to new lifelong friends. They have sincerely been touched by the welcoming nature of everyone they’ve encountered here.  It really is a special place in her heart. 

Always up for an adventure, she went on weekend long bike rides or white water rafting with the youth groups.  She went on vacations with members of the Parrish to Alaska, Hawaii and more.  She loved horses as she was on an equestrian team as a kid, would ride the horses at Mohonk and we later had a horse of our own.  The last few years she would also ride a 1/4 horse through some friends down the road.  And everyone knew the party really started when my mom got up and danced at the family weddings or functions.  She created these family reunion environments that were always the favorite time of everyone’s summer. 

As much as an adventurer that she was, she was the family disciplinarian.  I think everyone either loved her or feared her, as her punishments were quick and without bias.  I think I spent ½ of my high school life grounded.  I one time asked her why she is always so strict, and she told me that when she appears before God, and are asked about her life, she had to know in her heart that she did everything in her power to raise her me right and if she did not enforce these rules, she couldn’t do it sincerely to God.  I really couldn’t argue with that. 

In 2009, I fainted and had a skull fracture and some other injuries and wasn’t doing well.  I moved back home and lived with my parents for almost a year and really bonded with them as an adult who just happened to be their child. What a wonderful gift that has proven to be for the three of us.  I saw the truth of her generosity, love.  Every day watching dad come home from work and hunt her down to give her a kiss hello, gave a closure to their day and enjoy their time together.  They made me understand what love and sacrifice is between two people. 

My mother’s commitment to family, god and community cannot be summed up in a few minutes, as her essence of life are these things and what brought us here today. 

A wife, a sister, a mother (of 4 girls 2 boys and a Dan as she would affectionally say), a Grandmother, an Aunt, a mentor and a Friend, are all descriptions that describe my mother. 

She was my best friend. 

Meditation  

Gentle One, I rest in Your embrace. My world tilted severely with the earthquake of Eileen’s death. I was rocked to my core, but the field of love that has filled my life since then has braced me and brought me to a new level of love and peace. Acceptance and gentleness have moved not only with Eileen’s death, but the death of my brother Tom and sister-in-law Sue plus many friends has made emphatic the shortness of our physical life. My time left here is in Your hands, and Your joy is beginning to come back into my life as the brightness of the coming spring and the sight of our first blooms outside. A life spent in Your unconditional love that flowed through Eileen is a breathtaking journey, and I bow in gratitude for all.