Nov 08, 2020

Birth, Death, Joy, Grief (37) 

“Never be afraid to trust an unknown future 

To a known God” 

• Corrie ten Bloom 

My wife of almost 59 years (59 years on June 10, 2020) and best friend Eileen had been diagnosed with terminal cancer of the esophagus, in February 2019. Eileen died on February 22, 2020, the day following the birth of our latest granddaughter, Maria; 60 years to the day after we met; the funeral was March 4, 2020, and the burial was July 3, 2020. This blog gives my thoughts, fears, prayers, and hopes during this challenging and difficult time looking at the space in my life. 

11/08/2020                  This has been a challenging week. In the Catholic Church this is, as I term it, the week of memories, or the week of the dead. November 1 is All Saints Day, where we remember the good people that are gone, and certainly both Eileen and my brother Tom fit that in spades. Then November 2 is All Souls Day, where we specifically remember those who have died, especially died recently – whatever that means-this year? The past two years? Each of us has our own timetable for that term, ‘recently’. On that day, Monday, St. Patrick’s in Whitney Point held a mass in honor of those who died this past year, by name. I went, as Eileen and my brother were both mentioned during the Mass. Then on Sunday November 8, my present parish St. Margaret’s of Scotland, will call out each name of those in the parish who died this past year and light a candle in their name – that is, since I will be there (I am writing this on Saturday) I will light the candle for Eileen.  

Beautiful ceremonies, ones that enhance the memories and form part of the process of acceptance but have been a source of renewed sorrow and pain. All good, as this process must be gone through time and again if I am to become whole again, but it is always painful, always painful. 

This week has been one of introspection, memories, wonderful memories of events that Eileen and I had that marked the beauty (and sometimes pain) of our 60-year journey. Regrets, love, joys, breathtaking moments; all form part of the tapestry of life that the two of us wove. Funny, as I looked at what I just wrote, I put regrets first. That is how the psyche is: the things we could have done better comes to mind first, not the bountiful joys that over-shadowed by far the regrets. 

And then we had the election. After pondering the results for a bit, I am more than pleased with the result. The past four years exposed the cancer that has always been part of the American life – racism and associated agony. I have been part of the family history in combatting this evil. My parents began at least in the 1940’s to strongly expose this evil, when perhaps 90% of Caucasian tolerated it if not espoused it. It has taken several generations to reduce it to at least hating the worst parts to around 50% of the population, and that is quite a move. I suspect that many who voted for Biden are racist, many without realizing it; almost all non-people of color tolerate it to some degree as part of life – ‘just don’t touch my life’. My brother’s work with the truly under-privileged exposed it strongly in my semi-rural town, and many hated him for his efforts. Eileen and I worked with the migrant farm workers on Long Island in the 60’s, starting a group to teach English and to help in life. That was extended when we moved upstate from Long Island to joining forces with a farm worker union group, still active but have moved to work in the areas around Lake Erie and are now head-quartered in Syracuse, and it became difficult to support other than by donations. Still do that. 

I am hopeful in another handful of generations overt racism will be in the true minority. Tolerance for something different from what we have spent a lifetime buried within is difficult, to put it mildly. It does give me something to work on other than my loneliness, and it makes me face up to the areas in my life where I am not tolerant.  

Notice I said, “handful of generations”. It is a slow process, but God is patient. God has been waiting 13.7 billion years for this. Even when Jesus laid out the path of love, the past 2000 years have shown the patience of God, when Christianity moved from a hated minority into the building of the Roman Empire by violence. Usually only a handful that we call saints fought this process. At least some people, many of whom have walked away from formal religion, are recognizing that we all are part of the same universe, we all carry the same basic gene pattern, and our poor planet needs a joined community if it is to survive. 

We may not. 

Sad to say, it appears that the majority of those who voted for Trump claim to be Christian, even though in their lives they follow few if any of the things that Jesus talked about. That is the wonder of the workings of God.  

Meditation  

Gentle One, You shower me with love and grace; I am in gratitude for all that You give our poor world. It is still not sure if we will move to save out world as we know it and move away from the isolation that each little group places on itself. If we can’t, then the world as we know it will cease to exist, as the laws of the universe cannot be denied. But Your Love will cover us all and draw us forward into Your embrace. I am grateful for this chance to live Your love into the world in some small way.