Jul 10, 2022

  Living in Unconditional Love (70)

“Love flows from God to humans without effort:

As a bird glides through the air without moving its wings-

Thus, they go wherever they wish united in body and soul,

Yet separate in form.”

–Mechtild of Magdeburg

 

My wife Eileen died from esophageal cancer in February 2020 one year after being diagnosed, 60 years to the day that we met on Long Island. Then my brother Tom became ill, and I spent a total of six weeks being with him in Ohio, but he died in October 2020. My sister-in-law Sue Mahoney died from Covid-19 in January 2021. On top of it all stood the pandemic, locking everyone down almost two years, and even though it is abating, I wear my mask anytime I am out among people, unlike many.

 

07/10/2022                             The beautiful weather is continuing, but we could use a good rain. We have received some rain but not sufficient to keep everything growing well. The gardens are about to burst, as some of Asiatic lilies have started to bloom and others are beginning to show color and the daylilies are beginning to burst. The show has begun!

I need a small break, and I will join my niece Tara and her two boys at Mohonk Mountain House this next Wednesday for lunch. I will miss my company meetings and not have the book club that evening as I will return too late for that. Their gardens should be good, and the trails are always breathtaking, and if it rains the house is awesome. Yes, it is an all-day event, taking about 2 ½ hours each way but worth it. I love seeing the love of that wonderful legacy being passed down in our family, as all my generation has loved it dearly.

My granddaughter Mackenzie turned one this past Friday, and her birthday party is going on in Peru as I write this. She is a serious and careful person already and loves her books. She spends many periods each day pulling her books off the shelf and looking at them, turning the book right side up and turning pages in her lap. She certainly is a part of this family, for that was SOP for almost all our children. Quite a change from bubbly and outgoing Maria, her two-year-old sister, who is and always was a non-stop whirling dervish. Life is really interesting to watch. Two hours before the party started the catering group cancelled out! So, plan B swung into effect. (Alesandra always has a plan B) Another person was hired to help run the food, a quick trip to a grocery for food for sandwich makings, a call to another catering group to bring a cake and cupcakes, and everything is going great – I think. (Sunday update: the videos on Facebook showed a wonderful party with lots of little ones and a lovely cake and cupcakes.)

I find myself in a regrouping mode of operation. The summertime is a wonderful time to enjoy the natural beauty that is everywhere I look, nothing is required to be done except watering the bonsai each day, lush green everywhere I look – the wonders of God are made manifest to feed the soul. Even cooking is not a chore (mostly frozen goodies) and forces me to clean the counters and put things away each day. I find having a cleaning service forces me to keep things orderly and reasonably neat at least every other week before they come, so for that alone is worth it as everything always looks warm and inviting.

As I lonely? Yes, but that is not especially difficult to stand, as I do not dwell on that aspect of life. This coming week I am busy, having something on each day: doctor one day, dentist another, Mohonk another, car service another, and maybe a haircut on another. Getting everything done in one week. Most weeks I have nothing planned except church on Tuesday morning, and of course on the weekend. Not too much on any one day, so no problem. I have many books to read and to listen to (I love to hear books read, especially non-fiction, as many points I might have missed is stressed by the reader who understands the author. Even fiction is more interesting listening over straight reading, but it does take more time) if I find myself bored.

Loneliness is part of aging and gives me time to talk to my God at length. I try to walk around the garden each day, cutting spent flowers and sipping on my wine some evenings, sometimes wondering back to the pond to sit and bathe in the wonder of nature. I try to spend some time painting each day, as the variety of canvases that I do in parallel keeps that challenging and interesting. And of course, I have my afternoon nap for a half hour or so, usually around four. No schedule, only what I feel like doing.

I am fortunate to have good health, with no persistent pains that cause great discomfort. Some minor things and I use a cane when I go for an afternoon walk, as my back can get testy if I put too much strain on it. Sitting doesn’t bother it but standing and walking does. At my age I am indeed fortunate.

Mediation

Gentle One, I rest in Your care. Your Love is afire everywhere, and I just find myself floating in that love often. This summertime of pause and reflect gives me the strength to help others when I can and how I can. I am in awe at all that I see as part of Your Being in all that is. I let You guide me as You will, giving me a shove (hopefully gently) when I need it. I am grateful for the awareness You have given me at this time in my life.