Birth, Death, Joy, Grief (8)

Apr 19, 2020

 

Birth, Death, Joy, Grief (8)

“Never be afraid to trust an unknown future

To a known God”

·      Corrie ten Bloom

My wife of 58 years (June 10, 2019) and best friend Eileen had been diagnosed with terminal cancer of the esophagus, in February 2019. Eileen died on February 22, 2020, the day following the birth of our latest granddaughter Maria, and the funeral was March 4, 2020. This blog gives my thoughts, fears, prayers, and hopes during this challenging and difficult time looking at the space in my life.

I am writing this on Thursday, April 16, on the 60thanniversary of our first date. How does one talk about the process of falling in love? It built up from a first-sight crush to so much more over many hours of talking, step by step. We had been acquainted about two months, as members of the singles club from our church in Port Washington, NY. I remember thinking, on the evening she joined the club, that this is the girl I could marry. During the almost two months’ time we had been seeing one another at various singles functions held by the churches. There were quite a number of groups, and there was a dance almost every Saturday evening somewhere. (Each group was responsible for a holding a dance sometime in the year.) We both had been to many of them, and I made sure I had danced with Eileen at least once and usually several times. Beside that the group met usually a couple of other nights during the week, so we had plenty of time to become friends, usually gravitating to be together by the end of the evening.

I remember telling her, when asking her out for the first date, that if our relationship was to grow to something more serious than just friendship, I wanted to have God’s blessing. She said later that the statement had impressed her. I asked her to go to St. Patrick’s in NYC for the Holy Saturday services, which at that time (1960) was at midnight, and was nowhere near the length that it is today. So on April 16, 1960, we took the train into the City, ate at one of the many restaurants in mid-town Manhattan (randomly picked, and we could never be sure which one it was when we went back years later), talked and talked, delightfully so; wandered to my favorite Dixie-land jazz spot on 57thstreet, and hung out there until we walked over to St. Patrick’s Church around 11.. (Dixie-land jazz was our favorite form of music, and remains so to this day.) Much to my dismay, St. Patrick’s did not have that service! We talked to a priest that was checking the locks on the doors, and he directed us to St. Francis of Assisi church on 31ststreet. We had time, and I was cheap, so we took a bus down there and arrived in plenty of time. After the services we wandered around and took the last train back to Port Washington at 2 am. Then I invited her to have breakfast with me at my rooming house, and we were joined by one of my house-mates. I whipped up bacon and eggs and toast. It was about 4 am when I took Eileen home, where she discovered she had not taken a house key. So we went back to my place and she called and woke her dad up, who asked her where she was. Her answer “In town” (as she said, she could not say “at Dave’s place”) deflected any questions, and her dad opened up the door, so by about 4:30 she was home.

Long first date, and I still have that time etched deeply in my mind. I thought she was the most beautiful girl I had ever met and was overjoyed that she wanted to go out together, and she had taken my breath away just by all the talking on life, parents, and things we enjoyed together, far more than I had imagined.

This thinking and remembering of that wonderful time of just falling in love, having fun, and unlimited joy, is a period that formed much of our future life, a life filled with love, laughter, and joy, truly blessed by our God.

Meditation

Peace-bringer, you bring peace to my troubled heart in this period of remembrance and adjustment. Each day seems like an eternity, but each day moves on minute by minute. Right now the day is filled with memories, and these memories bring Eileen to life in me and allow me to see the wonderful joy I was given over so many years. Allowing me to remember and relive these times eases the pain of loss, and I thank You for giving me this time to come to closure on this portion of life. The memories will never fade, but they will find their proper place in life.

6 thoughts on “Birth, Death, Joy, Grief (8)”

  1. Dave l remember when she meet you she told me all about you. She was really excited as. she put it I meet a wonderful person. Eileen and I were close since we lived next door to each other went to school together parties church dances. It was so nice to read this your side of a beautiful relationship.Although it brought tears to my eyes it was Wonderful memories She will always be in my heart ❤️

    1. Thank you so much. Eileen had not shared this with me. I am moved to tears to think that love at first sight is real. I remember you well, and the parties at your house.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

DAVID PETERS

My God has led me on an 80 year jaunt to ever more wondrous beauty. I am led to share this journey and gifts of God that have been showered upon me, not just for me but for whoever God brings into my path.

Learn More